Seeking Help

When we face difficulties, we need to seek help. But sometimes, seeking help are difficult for at least two days. First, we need to overcome the pride. I need to acknowledge that I am not able to overcome alone and at the same time maintain the self-worth. Secondly is that how to seek the help itself, from whom and how we can describe the problem.

Let’s spend time to talk about the last part, that is how to describe the problem. What are the challenges I am facing now? Am I clear on what the problems I have. Not sure. But we can list them down in the efforts to make it clearer.

Inability to concentrate

The main reason I decided to seek help is that in the past few weeks I am not able to concentrate when I am working alone. It is either blank or anxious on what to do first. I can’t focus on the efforts on generating alternatives to solve the problem or in doing the steps that I know first. It is like keep choosing without any decision. Most of the time, I know roughly the direction to solve the problem, but it takes more time and I do not have the time. There are still many things to do. So I begin to worry, become to be afraid of not being able to complete in time. Instead of doing the tedious steps which are working, I am thinking of finding faster way, which is actually a time consuming process too and therefore I start to condemn myself of not being able to do faster, or at least as fast as other people.

Inability to manage time or prioritize

So a potential root cause perhaps is that I cannot manage time well. It seems time is always running out when I am able to concentrate. But when I have free time like in the weekend, it seems that time is a lot and I am not in rush, which end up I will feel stressed in Sunday evening when realizing that the time has passed so fast. It is because I didn’t budget it that I could not know what to do at which time. In order to budget, I need to know the priority. But the problem is that it is very difficult for me to prioritize. Which one is more important? Which one is less important? Which one is a must-have, which is a good to have and which one is only nice to have?

Difficulties to let go

Without letting go, it is difficult to prioritize. Even when I have taken the courage to prioritize, what do I do with those in a lower priority? Can I let them go when there is no time. Often I say something is less in priority. But when I cannot do it, I cannot admit or consciously let go. If I let go, it is because of unintentionally as I become forgetful when things are piling up. For example, I just finished transferring pledge for 4 months that are overdue today. It was fine but if I knew it earlier, I would have been pressurizing myself which end up to be higher stress.

Difficulties in learning from the past experience

Somehow I keep repeating the same mistakes. It is like the experience from the past does not connect with the present. Maybe I didn’t like the mistakes that I didn’t focus on what is the learning points and then move on. So often I need to start from scratch.

Disorganized mind

I also often waste time by finding the thigns I need. Somehow I cannot search my information well. Or maybe not that bad. But when i cannot find things immediately, I become angry and then not efficient in the process of searching the things I have lost.

Changing the mindset

Somehow I know a lot of theories, know what I am supposed to do. But when it comes to practice, it is very difficult for me to do it. I know I need to be firm, I need to do budgeting, I need to do exercises. But I am not doing it. I know I need to say when I don’t like to do things. I know I need to ask for help, but also quite difficult. I know that there is no need to be afraid. Also that there is somethign good when bad things happen. Or it is fine to make mistakes, so no need to think that much, decide, and move on. But when wanting to do them, it seems that I am not wanting them much that I strive to do it. It is like I give up easily, or when I don’t give up, i just keep doing the same things which increase the chance of at the end being frustrated.

Good things becoming pressure

When there are good things, instead of being thankful, i use it to pressurize myself. For example, sleeping on time is good. But when I set target to sleep like now, I become quite obsessed with the target itself and become rushing in doing things. Or when someone helps, instead of being thankful, I pressurize myself that I need to return things in favor.

Saying stop

Finally I need to learn ok, this is enough, just stop here and send, even when I still want to do more. So let’s stop here and continue next time.