Yesterday I can see the improvement and at the same time faces the reality that things are tough. After refreshing on the breathing exercise and remembering that I can go through the anxiety feeling, I am more prepared today. I still face difficulties in making decision and prioritzing what to do. But at least I remember to do the breathing while feeling those experiences. That’s the reality that I need to accept. Even with a breathing tool, the problem of making decision is not automaticallly solved. I still face stress in choosing what to do first and which one I need to let go.
Yesterday night I feel a bit sleepy, not sure is it because too much oxygen coming in that I become sleepy?
At the end I slept. But afterwards, there was a frustration feeling in the sense that if my breathing exercise caused me to be sleepy, how can I work. I already read two days ago, that if we become sleepy, we just need to breathe slower. This knowledge somehow does not sink into my belief.
I become afraid that I do not have the tool that guarantees success in managing the stress. In the first place, I need to remind myself that this battle is not an easy one. So even a good tool cannot guarantee success all the time. So it is ok if it does not work immediately or sometimes it does not work. Because the focus is to be faithful in practicing one tool first before trying other tool.
This morning I feel dreaded. It is so difficult, the amount of fear is very high. I do not feel like doing anything. Every thing look tough. So I need to remember that I need to practice to relax and clarify again what I want or what is the priority and then move on.
It is the reality that this fear will come back. But it is also the reality that this feeling is not permanent, it will go away. There will be times where I can work well just like yesterday evening before going back from the office. So, accept the reality and practice again.
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