Generating Solutions

Once we seek help, we will receive several advices which can be the potential solutions. The questions are whether we have the hope to try the solutions and see which one work the most.

Having decided to let go last night by not working at all, this morning started with the fear again, a question of which one to do first. Stick to the routine first, like stretching and having proper breakfast. Then in the mrt, there was an urge to check the result of Liverpool vs. Man U. I wanted to delay, but at the end decided to check fast but close fast too. It quite worked, usually I would delay until I feel moody and then opened too many articles. Listened to the main radio and then move on.

Although was rushing, decided to follow the advice to write down the list of things to do on paper. Then start doing the first one although initially not sure which one to do first.

It was still hard to take the courage to meet up with my colleague and mention the potential problem. Thank God that finally had the courage, just say and then move on with the solution. I still did not find the root cause, but in the process of finding the root cause, somehow thought to change the order, at least there was something to make it work.

It was hard again to pay attention to the staff meeting, also to socialize. Once ended, again, need to think which one to do first. It was quite tough. There is something to be submitted by tomorrow morning. At the end, thank God, that I took the courage to just do whatever I can and sent it out first. Coz I knew that I wouldn’t be able to have time to do it at home tonight.

I broke the promise of not using the taxi, but anyway I made the choice and it was not that bad. I also learned from the taxi driver and the receptionist on how to give a more specific estimation like I am reaching in 5 minutes instead of just saying soon or on the way.

It was good to define my problem, an anxiety problem with two main aspects: obsession and social anxiety. It is a good way to summarize my challenges. Obsession in a sense that I want to know which one is the correct one first before stepping forward. Unfortunately, in a lot of situations in the real world, we don’t know which one is the correct path until we try. Even the one we think correct can be wrong as people are unique. Therefore I need to let go something that is not perfect or when there is a problem that is not in my imagination. Secondly, I have social anxiety. It is when I started to imagine what other people think about me, or try to behave certain way to be safe for making first impressions. It is shown when I started to be anxious when there is silence between me and the other person. It is exhibited when I wanted to be part of the group although I have less common ground. It was when I felt alone or focused on waiting for others to talk with me instead of enjoying the environment.

Now the plan for the solutions are laid out, both the short-term and the possible long term. Am I going to stick on it?

Do I want to apply what I know? Or do I want to spend more to get advices which I may already know?

Ok, now starting to be sleepy. If it does not work now, find alternative. So let’s stop here, and continue generating solutions and applying them.