Observe

Today I learn to observe. Observe on others as well as observe on how I feel.

It is an interesting day with many ups and down, with rushing as well as wasting time.

It is not common that I start my day at office with happier mood. I was still moody in the mrt but on the way I started to be able to accept things especially when walking from the bus stop to the office.

I immediately started with working, following the script for the line. It took three times longer than expected but I was able to concentrate.

After finishing, I started to crumble because there are new emails and messages. Immediately I became confused whether to read the e-mail in detail or to respond for questions such as whether I will join things related to tim perban. I was not sure whether to say yes or no.

So I started to waste time & not doing anything.

Finally I decided to do one task to share the stay I did before. But I already forgot the details. Also I did not know how to dig the information as both my desk & my laptop are very disorganized. So I started to condemn myself.

During the meeting it was even worse. I became ashamed that I did not consider many important questions during my study. I was also jealous on my colleague's ability to think and to ask questions.

Back from lunch, I was not sure which one to do first especially as there were 2 agenda that came from others instead of my own plan. While confused, I decided to do the newly arrived third task.

So this shows that I can decide & let go provided if there are external requests involved. It is just that when I am alone & am the one to decide, I have difficulties in setting the boundaries myself.

End up, for the whole afternoon I was working for my colleagues"

I was quite disappointed at the outcome.

But realize that life is so much more after looking at news like the efforts of my senior raising funds for their son with health problem. Also, looked at how the fight of someone against cancer.

Those reminded that there are many things that I can enjoy. But instead of that, I kept looking on the things I don't have or things that I cannot do.

Keep observing!