Purposely Wasting Time

These last few days I have been ups and down, one of the reason is that because I feel that I waste a lot of time. I have so many to-do-lists (well that is one of the problems) and so every time feels very precious. And while it takes time to manage my priorities, I also need to forgive myself when I waste time. I become so angry to myself. It is like a difficult marriage between my ideal self and my real self. One is angry because the other is not doing enough while the other is angry because of the harsh treatment. 

So today I try to purposely waste time. I did not open my study whatsapp group since yesterday even though I am supposed to study today. I also decided to go out by myself, ate at a place that usually I don’t go - because I know I don’t like it, but wanted to try due to curiousity as I have only eaten there once at other branch. Also, I went to Samsung store to look at the new Galaxy S8 with their infinity glass, went to Apple store to look at their Apple watch and the new macbook pro with the touch bar, a touch screen on the keyboard that seems to be useful. It was also good to receive the suggestion by the staff there that instead of buying a new macbook, I can actually upgrade my current macbook by replacing the hard disk at 300 dollar, but the speed will be as fast as the new one and I could upgrade to the latest OS, something that I have not been able to for the last two years. So it is a nice thing to consider. 

At home, I searched many videos and articles about Ahok, about NBA, about football. I also slept for two hours. 

Well, it does not make me happy that much - since happiness is usually not found in running away from problems but in facing them. But it feels refreshed. I also finally learned to use the smart TV at my home. 

Maybe this is not something to do too often. But it is a good thing to prove to myself that it is ok to waste time. My world will not collapse because of that. Things still go on. My worth is not dependent on my performance. Life is much more than that.