Shutdown Holiday 2018

I am tired that I don’t feel like writing. At the same time, I think it is a chance not to be missed to write on the last day of 4-day company shutdown holiday that I have this year. It is not possible to have the same thing as previous year as every moment is unique. At the same time, this is the first time of me and my wife spending time with our little one during this period.

On 26 Dec we went to Garden by the Bay to see the Flower Dome and the Christmas Wonderland with our little one. She looked excited seeing many flowers and people there. On 27 Dec I accompanied her for the 2nd dose of flu vaccination. On 28 Dec, I went with her for 9th-month developmental assessment in Polyclinic and then went for Music lesson trial at Gymboree. Afterwards, I had a nice lunch with my wife at Crystal Jade La Mian Xiao Long Bao while littleP continued seeing around the buzzling of Orchard. Today on 31st, we went to Go-Go Bambini and then had lunch at Marche at 313@Somerset.

My wife is amazing in terms of the continuity and stability in caring and loving LittleP. As for me, I still often fluctuate. But at least there are 3 learnings:

First, surviving mode is different than anxiety. When I was in surviving mode such as in 28 Dec, it was difficult to be anxious as there were too many things to handle. Basically there was no time to be anxious.

Second, I need my wife. I often take things for granted. I act as if I can do things independently while I actually can’t. I felt that very much on 28 Dec when I was alone in the morning with our little one. Two people don’t guarantee we can solve all problems. But together we are stronger.

Third, time flies. This evening our littleP looks so mature when she grabbed the handle in the hand rail inside MRT. Last year she was not born yet. But now she is with us, already able to crawl, and learning to stand. How fast the time flies. So be thankful and seize the moments

The first thing we do whenever we have failed

The article from Every Day With Jesus on 22 Nov 2018 that I read today taught me on the first thing we need to do whenever we have failed. That is to explore the reason for the failure.

It has been four days since the last time I wrote. Not only I failed to keep the habit to write, I have failed several other things. There were two nights where I indulged in reading football news and players’ biography. I also kept delaying important items. Recently I got another $30-rejected-GIRO admin fee just because I delayed paying manually until 22nd while the GIRO date was on the 23rd and it created some confusion.

Usually what I did first is to scold myself. I would say many shoulds. Those shoulds are not wrong. It is just that saying should does not help much. In fact it steals the energy to do the real hard works of dealing with the consequences and learning from the mistakes. One of the reason why I scolded myself instead of asking the reason of failure is that I am scared that I could not take it. The failure itself is already painful. How can I face it and identify what I can learn from it? When I am more honest to face my mistakes, I am afraid they will be too painful. When there were no mistakes but perhaps God is asking me to go to other direction, I am also afraid that I will be disappointed with God.

So I am not sure whether I can honestly face and identify the reason(s) of failure. But perhaps that is where faith comes, the faith in God who loves us so much that He is willing to come to the world in Jesus, that He is always be with us and is able to make us do things beyond our imagination.

25 December 2018

Today is the first time my wife and I celebrating Christmas at my church in Singapore at least in the last five years. In 2013, we went to Semarang and was only back in 25 December in the afternoon. We were in Taiwan in 2014, in Vietnam in 2015, in the US in 2016, and in Japan in 2017 during Christmas. The reason we stay in Singapore is that today is the day our child is baptised.

Thank God for today where things went well. Our little P managed to do what is needed before we go to church and had a quick nap before the baptism session. She did not cry during baptism and cheekily hold the Reverend’s hand who touched her head. The service itself was packed with people that even the empty choir songs facing the congregation was used. I was carelessly saying that I prefer to celebrate Christmas overseas than in Singapore. This is as if I can control life while the fact that I can join today’s session was God’s significant gift as I had a heat stroke two weeks ago.

From today’s baptism, I also learned several things. First, I learned to take a stance that child baptism is needed on the basis that it is the parents’ faith that the child is baptised. Second, I made several vows today: the acceptance of the belief and meaning of baptism, the commitment to teach our child in God’s way, and the commitment to be a right example for the child in both spiritual and daily life.

It is also a good day where I could take a two-hour nap thanks to my wife taking care of our child that our child could also sleep for one hour. My wife also spent time to cook special Christmas steak dinner that I enjoyed. May God help me not to take things for granted and be thankful of His gift of family and precious time.

Sharing on the Christmas Eve 2018

I imagining what to say if there is a sharing session in the Christmas Eve today. There will be at least three things I will share: thankfulness of the good memories this year, apologies for the mistakes, and the burden I have.

First, I would thank my family for the good memories of this year of 2018. There are so many wonderful memories. Very early this year my wife surprised me with a birthday celebration in office. Then we had renovation that finished before the arrival of my baby. I was thankful for the lunch in Crystal Jade Xiao Long Bao at Holland Village one day before the arrival of our baby. I am thankful for my wife who courageously struggled to deliver from the morning till evening on 8 March with 2 dosage of epidural and still endured the pain. I was thankful for the chance to move in on 10 March together with my wife and baby. I was thankful for the chance to go to Luang Prabang with my wife. Also, we had good trips to Jakarta in September and two weeks ago at Bandung.

Second, I am sorry for my mistakes. I gave the wrong birthday present of hand lotions to my wife who doesn’t use hand lotions. I exploded on 10 March because of m resistance to formula milk. I was depressed from end of March till end of July. I ignored my wife especially on September and October. I almost moved on 9 Dec. I exploded on 12 Dec and 14 Dec. And even this evening I had difficult emotions.

Third, I want to share my worries, my burden, and my fears. I have got back up from the negativity at end of July. I was so high that I was confident on many things. Yet it was during that period that 15 October happened, the day when I hit the wall. I tried to recover but then I struggled. I wanted to go to the extreme that I used extreme words such as jerk and said to many people that I wanted to be a jerk just so that others’ expectations on me are lowered. Then 9 December came and then I wanted to have a perfect 2nd life. And since then I felt tired and the need to be cautious is there as I am scared of hurting people especially those whom I love. I am tired of the needs to keep changing and improving. I just want to be accepted the way I am. Perhaps that is the good news of this Christmas. In a world where no one is able to accept us the way we are, God loves us so much that He came down as a baby in Jesus and accept us the way we are.

What makes me feel this way?

This question comes sooner than I expected as I have difficult emotion this evening. I felt anxious and holding anger at the same time. I do not how to describe but it feels heavy. I feel tired. I feel that I need to keep watching the way I behave, the way I talk, and the way I make decision.

This afternoon I needed to leave office early. So instead of doing an ideal analysis, I focused on the essential and sent key messages to my colleague before I left. My best friend in office had a different advice than my colleague. I wanted an easy way out of following any one of them. But my best friend in office reminded me that I need to have my own stand.

And I did. This afternoon I tried to have some kind of stand instead of following my colleague entirely. But I still feel the direction was largely my colleague’s. Which may be fine. But now I become too cautious. And when my best friend in office messaged me via whatsapp, I was very afraid to read his message as if I will be judged on the way I made decision. So I spent my dinner thinking what to say to him. I felt anger on why I need to justify to him but felt not right to be angry to him. Finally when I opened the whatsapp, I felt stupid. He just said good, as long as I know why I decide certain thing. I felt stupid of being so anxious. At the same time the whole strength collapse and I now feel very tired. I also felt ashamed of my self-centeredness, thinking about myself while there was other more real news such as the tsunami in Banten. I wanted to escape this feeling and indulge on other things such as reading football news excessively. Thank God that I remember to write on why I feel this way.

The Habit of Thinking

I have just had a lunch with my best friend in office. He reminded me the importance of thinking. The reason is that I often think binary, either this or that. Either I follow all of what others say or I do not follow at all. Why I want to do something, I usually opt the easier way of because someone told me to do so. I have not reached the deeper level of why else I want to do it. Or if it is entirely up to me or I am alone, why do I want to do it. 

Both my strength and weakness is that I often do things based on habit. In those situations, I do not think. For example, I used to wear double clothing when I run as it is in the evening or it is in the gym. But when I run in the morning under the hot sun, I still wear double clothing just because that is what I wear when running. In other words, my habit comes first, then perhaps some external factors, and last is my self-awareness. 

Instead of treating it just as a weakness, I can also treat it as a strength. In specific, how can I have a habit of thinking what is the reason I do something if it is entirely up to me. Perhaps once it becomes a habit, it will be easier for me to do it and in overcoming the tendency not to think and just do. It is often either I think too much or just do it without thinking. How can I incorporate a habit thinking so that I do not overthink and still putting some thoughts at the same time. 

A good example is the set of questions that help me to filter whether I want to share. The three questions are: “does this need to be shared?”, “does this need to be shared now?”, does this need to be shared by me?” In other word, it is questioning “why does this need to be shared by me now?”. So the habit of thinking that I want to develop is “why do I do this?”, “why do I feel this”, “why do I think this?”?

To start with, I can ask myself, why this and not that? Since I am good at binary thinking, I can start with asking why now and not later? Or why later and not do it now? Then it can vary such as why blue, not green, and red? So it is not necessary the negation of something as the alternative. Later on, it can develop to more open-ended question. 

The more important is the goal which is to help me to be self-aware of my feelings and actions instead of just following my emotions. 

What have I already been doing well?

There are at least three things that I have been doing well

1-Identifying possible problems
Since long time ago, I have the abilities to understand what my problems. For example, I know that my greatest desire seems to be the acceptance of all people. As a result, I only work on things that I get praises from and I get upset when I don’t get the praises or I get critics instead.

Now, I have also identified three problems. First, when I am depressed I am very harsh to myself. Second, when I am angry, I could not control my emotion and demands to others. Third, my behaviours keep changing as I act based on my feelings which are not consistent

2-Discovering potential strategies to address the problems
With the help of family, counsellor, and friends, I have discovered three types of strategies. First is to monitor my feelings, to be aware of my feelings. I can use speedometer to be aware of my feeling and then write for 5 mins to be aware of my thoughts. Second is to postpone doing things purely based on feelings. In other word, test my intention with test of time. Third is to set up clear goals and prioritise  the goals

3-Ability to step back and get back up
Discovering the strategies does not help much if I don’t apply. Usually it is hard for me to apply when I am emotional. But there are times where I can step back, look at the situations, acknowledge my feelings, and apply the right tools to address the situations.

The Principles of Sabbath

Sabbath has been taught to me since young as it is the fourth of the Ten Commandments. But applying it is really difficult. It is not easy to take a break one day in each week. I am now reading the book on Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero. I encounter again the topic on Sabbath. He gave four principles of Sabbath: Stop, Rest, Delight, and Contemplate.

First, Stop. We need to stop doing our work. Usually there is always another thing to do before we can do. On Sabbath we embrace our limits. We acknowledge that God is God and that the world continues working fine even when we stop. God commands us to relax and to enjoy the fact that we are not in charge of this world, that even when we die, the world will continue nicely without us. Every Sabbath reminds us to be still and know that God is God and there is no need to worry about tomorrow. It reminds us to trust God and surrender all.

Second, Rest. To be tangible, I chose three things to rest from. One is to stop sharing.  No matter how inspiring, postpone the sharing. Read for myself, not for sharing to others or looking good before others. Second is to stop multitasking. Enjoy the gift of life. It is ok to eat without doing something else. Enjoy every chew of it. Third, stop social media except whatsapp. Remember that it is possible to live without social media. At least I have the chance to do that for the 1st 20 years of my life. So no need t check facebook, linkedin, wechat, line, instagram. For whatsapp I can give exception since it is now the main way of communication for people who need to reach me. But try to send fewer messages. Aim to reply and not initiate conversation for now.

Third, Delight. We are called by God to enjoy and delight in creation. I can use Sabbath to learn to delight in people whom God has put around me. I can also use it for healthy play. As for me, the one that I am now practicing is to take afternoon nap on Sunday and to play with my daughter.

Fourth, Contemplate. As mentioned in the book by Peter Scazzero, the focus of Sabbath remains on pondering the love of God. So keep the habit of reading Bible and praying to God on Sunday. We will need to prepare in advance for this. I have seen that it is during weekend that I often skip praying. This is because it requires planning as weekends are mostly occupied by playing with Jaen, going out with Feliz and taking afternoon naps. Also, this means that I need to sleep earlier on Saturday so that I can be more fresh during the sermon on Sunday. Also, learn to give thanks to God as a family, not just as an individual.

Remember to be flexible in adjusting to these four principles. Experiment and make plan. Remember that God actually gives 1 day every week to rest, total of 52 days. It is not easy, but I need it.

Busybody

I am continually reminded by few people on my tendency to be busybody while neglecting my own responsibilities. Somehow I like dwelling in my illusion of helping others. Or at least my excitement overcome my rational whether it is needed or not.

First, I like to share any contents that I am excited about. I share in the expenses of two things: one is my own time as it reduces the time of doing my own work. Secondly, I spammed other people and I don’t care whether they like it by assuming they have the responsibilities to tell me if they do not like receiving my messages.

Second, I help people while they may not feel being helped. For example, I was supposed to join other team due to business needs although at the end I managed to stick to what I currently do and like to do. At the end the position will be open for new hire. I then took the responsibilities to ask around. Until my colleague said he is not comfortable because it will affect him. What if the person I shared to is then hired but not really competent. Isn’t it bringing bad to those who work with the new hire? So the best is to let the relevant people handle and help only when being asked.

Perhaps I ask what is wrong with trying to help others? As mentioned, it can be my illusion of helping people when the people I try to help does not need it or worse they may experience negative things by me helping them. So be careful when I feel helping people whether it is indeed helping people or in fact just satisfy my self-centeredness and in actual it is harmful for both others and myself.

Let me remind again what has happened from early August to now 1st of December. It is true that I feel happier than April to July this year. But the thing is that happier may not be a good thing. This is because too happy can cause over confident and it may result of me neglecting important matters. Let’s list down the negative impact so far I have seen in the past few months.

In terms of money, I lost a lot of money. First, I was late for paying credit card several times. As it is not my first time, the late payment fee and interest charge cannot be waived. Second, I did not realize that I have been paying over $200 dollar of data roaming charge due to my travel to Indonesia 4-9 Sep and to Bangkok 30 Sep-11 Oct. My bill is between 7th of the month to the following month. So I actually can see the data roaming charge on September bill for the charge happening for 4-6 Sep. But I did not do that. Because I paid by GIRO I did not check my bill. So I let go the chance to waive the data roaming charge incurred in Indonesia. Worse, this cause me unprepared to go to Thailand which is longer duration. But again when the bill was released on 7 Oct, I did not pay attention. I only realized on my November bill and at the end only managed to get the waiver for the charge happening between 7 to 11 Oct. What a waste.

In terms of relationship, my relationship with my wife and my best friend in office was in tense as I was too busy to take up new commitment, to share things on social media, and to talk with many people. My relationship with my manager was not that great too. I also argued with few other friends. In addition, my relationship with God is also lagging behind. I am not still on the devotion dated 7 Nov (more than 3 weeks lagging behind). As far as I can remember, this does not happen when I was depressed. Of course there is a good side of me during these periods like helping few other struggling friends. But I think if I am more careful, I can get the positive side of this period with excited feeling without causing harmful effects on the other hand.

In terms of work, yes, I can think clearly and make contributions. At the same time, from Aug to Nov was my first time having 500 unread e-mails which last for weeks and even until now. It was my first time too having more than 5 unsent minutes of meeting that was dated as far as August this year. I am also still struggling to send out the minutes until now. But yet, instead of sitting down and focus in wrapping up and sending them out, I was busybody on other things again.

In terms of reflection, my frequency of writing this blog can tell something as well. When I was depressed from April to July, the number I wrote was 2, 7, 4, 9 which make 22 articles in total. When I was high from August to September, the number of times I wrote was 6, 5, 8, 1, which make 20 articles in total. What a contrast given that the number of ideas I have from August to September was enormous. Again, what a waste.

In short, I was depressed for 4 months from Apr to July. Then I was too high that I became busybody for 4 months from Aug to Nov. The question is what am I going to bring or to strive for at least the next 4 months from Dec 2018 to March 2019?

November 2018

It is amazing that it has been 1 month since the last time I posted something here. Many things have happened both good and bad. But somehow it seems that I no longer prioritize this 5-minute writing.

Ideas flow faster than I am prepared to handle and so I seem to avoid writing. I am too excited in sharing many things from article, Habitat by Honestbee, job vacancy, and so on. I also organized many gatherings this month.

It is just that as my counseling session tomorrow draws near, I am reminded of my commitment of writing for 5 mins a day. The purpose is to help me slow down, remember the good things to be thankful of and the bad things to learn from them to avoid repeating the same mistakes. It is also helpful to act as a data to observe my up and down periods across time.

Therefore it is imperative for me to continue again.

Three things I can remember for this month. First, my relationship with my wife is getting better. This is to show that our efforts are not in vain. When we give our best, things may change.

Second, mistakes cannot be undone and there are consequences. I was late again to make credit card payment and as a result I need to pay $100 penalty fee aside from the fee for giro rejection admin fee and another $40-$50 of interest charge. All those was just because I did not check to ensure my account of which my credit card is giro-ed to has sufficient value. It was not my first time and so it could no longer be waived. It is by God’s grace that another $70 due to my mistake in not disabling the data roaming (even when the mobile data is off) is waived by M1 for goodwill. I need to remember that if I make the same mistakes again in the future, they may not waive again.

Third, change process is possible but needs commitment. Until today I still have difficulties in clearing my 500 unread work emails and I have been ignoring my gmail and yahoo. I manage to send less emails thanks to my manager. But it is still difficult. Another commitment I took was by attending free trial of Krav Maga and signing up for monthly package as a tool to learn what it means to fight.

I feel better after I write all these. It does not mean that I need to write so that I can feel better. But it does remind me that there is reward when we do the right things.

Focus or I Will Forget

Recently I realized that I forgot many things and frequently. I forgot to bring back fruits on Wednesday that the fruits become not that good after leaving one night at my cube where there was no air con at night. I forgot I had asked my wife on what coffee she wanted. I forgot to make a call if not because of my colleague. I forgot to buy a caviar after getting a strawberry as I assumed the caviar was next to the checkout counter.

In short, I got distracted. I got too excited on too many things. Even if I don’t forget, I don’t have time to do it.

But when I have time do it, I forgot because my focus is not there.

So now the question, do I still want to do many things at the same time? Do I still want to be forgetful?

What else I need to have or experience before I decide to focus?

Setting a time to be thankful of

Time flies. It has been more than 2 weeks since the last time I wrote here. That time writing three things to give thanks everyday seem to be doable. But time has shown that it is far more difficult than I thought. On the contrary, I found myself taking my wife for granted.

After I was back from business trip, I rushed for the deadlines of the annual review cycle. I also insisted to go to my friend’s daughter’s 1st month and talked non-stop with my wife’s relatives while I ignored her and my daughter. So the first thing I need to remember to be thankful are my lovely wife and daughter. I have considered them as part of myself that I often ignored them. In my theory, they are number 1 while actual practice showed that they are at a lower priority than helping others and doing my work.

It’s time to acknowledge the damage of my bad habits and to work on how to change them. Remember that self-scolding is not helpful as it robs the energy to change. So embrace the current limitations and focus on what we can do.

Last two days in Hua Hin

Time flies. Out of my 9 nights in Hua Hin, tonight is the last night before I go to Bangkok and then back to Singapore. It is time to go back. So before that, let’s recall six things I want to be grateful of since yesterday I did not manage to write.

First, I was thankful that yesterday I managed to have lunch with local engineer at their internal coffee shop. I usually eat at the very nice buffet provided specially for my company. So it was a contrast where yesterday I had the chance to have a pre-packed lunch that is simple like in the canteen back in Indonesia. To my surprise, even that pre-packed food is a privilege as the host helped me order. If we want to have that, we need to pre-order in the morning. If not, we can only buy instant cup noodles.

Second, I was trapped in the van yesterday morning as the button to unbuckle was spoiled. Thank God that I could calm and enjoy the process of solving it while remember that testing and trials do not come from God. But God is sovereign and He is able to turn those into something good. True enough, we were amazed of how easy the workaround were. One was just to loosen the seat belt and then escape. The other one was to call the driver as he knows where to press on the spoiled button in order to unbuckle.

Third, I had the chance to handle problem where something was out of specs and I was asked to assess the print quality impact. I was lazy to learn how to communicate truth without causing unnecessary anxiety in the audience. But my senior reminded me that I needed to learn even when I tended to avoid the situation.

Fourth, I learned not to make insensitive remarks. The business trip would end on 11 Oct while some colleagues already booked on 12 Oct. One of them was trying to change when I teased her saying what’s wrong with staying one more day. Fortunately my senior reminded me that it is not my business and people situation may be different.

Fifth, I learned more about scan and copy in the last two days and interacted more with the scanner related engineers. I also learned how to enable back the notification of Line app as the scan copy fax engineer only uses Line instead of whatsapp.

Sixth, I want to be thankful as I have already bought enough souvenir and settled the bill and did online check in.

Tomorrow will be another day. Let’s try again giving our best in God’s grace.

Sunday at Hua Hin

Today is my first full day in Hua Hin without going to office. There are many good memories. Here they are.

First, thank God for His protection. This morning I stumbled in the breakfast time at hotel because I did not see the steps. It was only by God’s grace that I managed to get a step and avoid from falling down. After lunch, I found out my safe deposit box was widely open as I forgot to lock it after taking something between church time and lunch time. But all were in tact thanks to God’s protection. In the afternoon, we went to Monkeys Mountain where there were so many monkeys. I was afraid if they attacked me. But nothing happened thanks be to God. On our way back, we felt cheated as I paid 600 THB thinking for a return price while my colleague had actually paid the tuk tuk driver 300 THB on our way there. At the BluPort mall, two out of three wash basins gave out brownish water. But other than that, everything was good.

Second, I want to thank for family and friends. Today my wife called me twice that I could see her and my daughter. It was good that my wife finally decide to plan to take a short break where it is my turn to take care of my daughter. Then my sister called just because we had not been talking on call for quite some time. As I was in the church, I called her back after an afternoon nap. It was good that I could talk with brother in law, then my sister, and then my niece. It was also good to go together with two colleagues to church. Then I had lunch, went a trip, and had dinner with other four colleagues. All were full with good conversations.

Third, I am grateful for the massage at Suvaree Thai Massage. It was really nice and it is only 300 THB for 1 hour, a price that we cannot get in Singapore. Interestingly Thai massage did not use strength too much in its own. But it uses many techniques such as various stretching aside from using stepping as a means for giving strong message. I managed to talk for a while with the massage provider and the cashier and reminded them that they can use google translate to communicate with their customers. Thank God that I managed to find this place with the help from google and the courage from God to decide among several options available.

More importantly, the church today reminded us that testing and trials do not come from God. But they can be turned by God to be purposeful for our good and that we develop patience, perseverance as part of becoming mature in God.

Reflecting Back

Unlike the previous three days where it is easy to extract 3 highlights, it is not easy to think about 3 highlight today. I just feel there are so many things that have happened today. Also, maybe as I become more excited, I want to think fast and not slow down. But that’s exactly why I need to write this. It is not merely meeting the goal of EcoChallenge. It is for my own good to think what are the three things I am grateful at.

First, although still wobbly, I managed to do some of my own tasks today. In the factory, I was still distracted of trying to help others. But at the same time I stayed more in the office room than usual, focusing on revising my portion and start getting the data for analysis. I did not manage to start analyzing data which shows there is a need for continuous improvement. But it is good enough for today.

Second, I am thankful of the many conversations I have today. I am thankful that my wife called me on my way back from factory to hotel that I can see my wife and daughter. I am thankful for the courage to speak with the Operations manager about our visions of data science application in our Operations. I am thankful for the discussion with colleagues and with my best friend who reminds me that certain things are beyond my problem and that I have enough problems and backlog to tackle instead of doing other people job. I am thankful for the short conversation with my Buddhist friend and with a fellow Christian on the marriage e-book by Desiring God.

Third, I am thankful for the nice food today. At the factory we get the best food unlike the local engineers and operators. This evening I went to the Chocolate Factory Hua Hin where I enjoyed many kinds of chocolate.

This reminds me that the Lord is great and that His love flows continuously to us.

Habit of Three

This is my third day trying to recall three things I am grateful of in a given day. It is not easy to remember and sit down to write. At the same time it is doable.

First, I am grateful that by God’s grace, we managed to find another error yesterday. Today I tried to correct it but it was not that easy as I was tempted to procrastinate to find a high quality solution. But at the end I decided to opt a good enough solution that can be implemented right away instead of wanting to be perfect.

Second, I find another good Christian during this business trip. I did not know that she is a Christian as she comes from the Philippines which predominantly are Catholics. We talked quite a lot and have the same thoughts that we focus on Jesus as the criteria of a Christian, not on the detailed of the rituals.

Third, I am grateful that I was reminded again on the importance of doing my own work. I became busybody again trying to help other people while neglecting my own area. As my best friend in office once said, perhaps, I aimed the thrill of helping others instead of the seemingly dull responsibility of doing my own tasks. So let’s remember to be responsible for my own tasks and draw the balance by God’s grace.

Another Three Things I am grateful of

It is not natural for me to be thinking of three things I am grateful of in a given day. So it is good that I join the EcoChallenge. It can also remind me the other commitment of doing daily exercise for 5 mins as I woke up much later and skipped the exercise.

So here are the three things I am grateful of.

First, I am happy to see my wife and my daughter through a quick video call this morning. The last time I had the chance to see them was three days ago. Yesterday and the day before my daughter was sleeping and my wife was rushing to work. So it is nice to see them. My daughter was a bit confused when seeing me, maybe because she was sleepy. In any case, I need to remind myself not to immediately hug her or carry her or kiss her when I am back in Singapore. Instead, I need to give her some time and space to be familiarize her with myself again.

The second thing I am grateful was work is challenging but satisfying. Finally after two days of efforts we started to get some results. Also, I was trying to call using zoom and did meeting while walking around in the factory. It worked. The Manhattan WS meeting that I host via Zoom which wsd also smooth.

Third is that I am grateful for the hospitality of the Taiwanese and Thai engineer. One asked me whether I want to join the lunch at their cafetaria tomorrow instead of using my own company buffet. Then I just mentioned about the brown rice cracker. Then the Thai engineer already contacted them and helped me order, what a kindness.

Three things I am grateful today

Today is the beginning of October EcoChallenge. I signed up for two challenges. The first one is to exercise for 5 mins daily. The second one is to write down three things I am grateful every day or send one e-mail thanking someone everyday.

So let’s write three things I am grateful today.

First, I am grateful that today I can find a print quality defect that I have been looking for by God’s grace. I already set an anchor for a certain plot. But that plot was wrongly printed and so nobody can catch the defect on that plot. I was just trying to flip some stacks and the first stack I look at has the defect on another plot. It is truly by God’s grace. As if it is not by Him, I would not have flipped that plots and found both the defect and the mistake my team makes.

Second, I am grateful that after 1 full day, we finally managed to progress on the task we want to do for additional data collection.

Third, I am grateful for the dinner, both on the Spanish food, which we order too much, and for the conversations in the dinner table. It was refreshing. I learned that when I am more comfortable with myself, other people will also be more comfortable with us.

And I am happy that for the first time I manage to write this short write-up while I am at Bangkok.

Am I an owner or just a manager?

The sermon in my church last Sunday reminded me that we often think that we are the legitimate owner of what we have instead of just a manager of God-given talents and material blessings. The sermon mainly talked about our material things. But then I think it is also applicable to anything in our life, be it a spouse, a child, family members or friends or skills such as our ability to think and work.

Now that my fast thinking and confident feeling are back, would I be upset if I lose them again? If it is just something that God entrust to loan them to me, why am I afraid of losing them? On the contrary, I know exactly that those are not mine and someway they will be gone. Only our relationship with God last forever. Not our abilities. Not our wealth. Not our friends and family.

So if I am a manager, what do I do while it is still with me? Isn’t to use them well? Isn’t taking care that they can be used for longer time instead of burning them away for immediate gains?

Let’s remember that all things are by God’s grace and so let’s be joyful, to enjoy God and His love and grace and share them to others.

Communicating Faith in a Science-dominated World

Last Thursday I had the privilege to join the talk by Rev. Prof. David Wilkinson. He had a 3-day series of talk and I joined the last one titled Communicating Faith in a Science-dominated World. There are so many things I learned from that talk. But here are three that I can remember off hand.

First, the conflict model of Science vs. Religion turns out to be relatively new as it has been used mostly in the last one hundred years. Before that, it is normal for leading scientist to believe in God. In fact, currently there is more and more young scientist that believe in God or at least in a higher power than human. So it is not true that science is always in conflict with religion. The reason this model is popular is because it is very simple. And it is probably the response of another extreme practice such as the leader of university or science society need to come from church leaders regardless of their actual scientific competency.

Second, it is possible to be both and instead of either or. We are often unconsciously encouraged to always think black or white, either this or that. For example, it is either we believe in 6 days of creation or we are an atheist. On the contrary, the literal 6 days of creation is only one of the many Christian views. So it is possible for one to believe both in God and some kinds of evolution. In fact, Darwin himself was a Christian according to the speaker.

Third, the church needs to affirm science instead of rejecting it. There are many dichotomies in the church such as ministry is holy while science is not. On the contrary, science is God’s vocation and calling for some. So it may not be good to over-emphasize full time ministry calling to young people while neglecting those who are called to be scientists and engineers.

Aside from those 3 points, the speaker also reminded us that he is not there to answer all questions. So remember, we cannot answer all questions. And in the first place, we are not called to answer all questions.

Knowledge is not equal to information

Another challenge I have is to digest information given by others and come out with knowledge and my own stand on that topic.

First, I often quote others in my job scope. I often said he said …, she said …, they said… Instead of digesting what the person/people say, I just remember them and quote what they said. In some situations, yes, they are needed to put weight and accuracy. But using them every time would defeat the purpose.

Second, I often stop at taking notes or info and then keep the raw notes instead of making a summary. So end up that I do not get the insights which are important.

So, let’s practice to digest more, and go to the point more directly.

Too Much Analogy and Correlation

Recently there is more feedback that I use too much analogy or try correlating things too much. It is something to be thankful that I am now feeling positive. But overdoing something is still not good regardless. So the question now is what is the problem I have, the possible reasons behind that, and the possible improvement I can make. There are at least three problems when I give examples or analogy too much or correlate things too far. First, it wastes time. I can use the time to say other more important thing or even to rest talking or writing. Second, it confuses people. Even it may put off people from understanding and accepting the main point because they do not agree with the analogy/example/correlation. Third, it does not meet the original objective of making an analogy or example or correlation which are to illustrate or to provide more supporting data for the main point. In the contrary, feedback from people have shown that it is bringing negative impacts instead of helping reinforce the main point.
If I ask myself deeper, the possible reasons I do that is because of my fear of being rejected or being misunderstood. I am afraid that if I just say the main points, people will reject them. So I am trying too hard to make up for examples to support the main point. I am also afraid that I could not say things succinctly or choose the main takeaways correctly. So I try to explain in detail. What kind of improvements I can make. First, remember the main points. Second, be confident, it is okay to make mistakes in choosing the main point or if people do not understand. Believe that God is with me and He will help in ways that I may be unable to think of. Third, reduce the correlation. Remember that the correlation itself is arguable and may invite unnecessary debate. Fourth, if more data is really needed, focus on the main points and the relevant data, analyze more or think more rather than introducing new data or examples. In summary, recognize that my examples and correlation now has brought more negative than positive. Acknowledge the fear which becomes the driving factor for doing that. Then improve by saying things concisely and focus on building insights from the relevant data instead of adding new data.

Wrong Direction

Today I took bus 66 to Jurong East mrt with the plan to take mrt from there to Commonwealth mrt as usual for going to work. When I boarded the mrt, it seems strange that there are so many empty seats. I then happily sat down and relaxed.

Then, I started to think, is this mrt on the wrong direction. Apparently it is. The train I boarded was going to Bukit Batok as the next station…

This reminds me that sometimes there are certain things that are too good to be true. In this case, it was good because it went against the direction that I want.

So be careful.

Now I feel like I have fully recovered. I feel like I can generate many good ideas and think on my feet. I feel that I can solve many problems. Things seem to be quite smooth.

Perhaps it is the time to stand back and ask am I going to the right direction? Or is it smooth because I go to the wrong direction?

How do I know whether I go to the wrong direction? In the mrt case, I need to stop looking at my phone and look around both the electronic panel inside train and the board outside the window. In the life direction case, I need to stop and reflect.

I initially thought that as I recover more, I will write for 5 mins more regularly. Apparently it is not automatic. This is my first post of the month. Stepping back and doing reflection require discipline and effort.

So now is the time to ask what I want? Do I want to go the right direction? Do I want to be close to Jesus? If yes, then write 5 mins more regularly. Pray regularly. Read the Bible regularly. Share and give to others regularly from what we have, not from what we do not have. Heal others as a wounded healer and not as a savior. Only Jesus can be our trus Savior.