The article from Every Day With Jesus on 22 Nov 2018 that I read today taught me on the first thing we need to do whenever we have failed. That is to explore the reason for the failure.
It has been four days since the last time I wrote. Not only I failed to keep the habit to write, I have failed several other things. There were two nights where I indulged in reading football news and players’ biography. I also kept delaying important items. Recently I got another $30-rejected-GIRO admin fee just because I delayed paying manually until 22nd while the GIRO date was on the 23rd and it created some confusion.
Usually what I did first is to scold myself. I would say many shoulds. Those shoulds are not wrong. It is just that saying should does not help much. In fact it steals the energy to do the real hard works of dealing with the consequences and learning from the mistakes. One of the reason why I scolded myself instead of asking the reason of failure is that I am scared that I could not take it. The failure itself is already painful. How can I face it and identify what I can learn from it? When I am more honest to face my mistakes, I am afraid they will be too painful. When there were no mistakes but perhaps God is asking me to go to other direction, I am also afraid that I will be disappointed with God.
So I am not sure whether I can honestly face and identify the reason(s) of failure. But perhaps that is where faith comes, the faith in God who loves us so much that He is willing to come to the world in Jesus, that He is always be with us and is able to make us do things beyond our imagination.
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