I imagining what to say if there is a sharing session in the Christmas Eve today. There will be at least three things I will share: thankfulness of the good memories this year, apologies for the mistakes, and the burden I have.
First, I would thank my family for the good memories of this year of 2018. There are so many wonderful memories. Very early this year my wife surprised me with a birthday celebration in office. Then we had renovation that finished before the arrival of my baby. I was thankful for the lunch in Crystal Jade Xiao Long Bao at Holland Village one day before the arrival of our baby. I am thankful for my wife who courageously struggled to deliver from the morning till evening on 8 March with 2 dosage of epidural and still endured the pain. I was thankful for the chance to move in on 10 March together with my wife and baby. I was thankful for the chance to go to Luang Prabang with my wife. Also, we had good trips to Jakarta in September and two weeks ago at Bandung.
Second, I am sorry for my mistakes. I gave the wrong birthday present of hand lotions to my wife who doesn’t use hand lotions. I exploded on 10 March because of m resistance to formula milk. I was depressed from end of March till end of July. I ignored my wife especially on September and October. I almost moved on 9 Dec. I exploded on 12 Dec and 14 Dec. And even this evening I had difficult emotions.
Third, I want to share my worries, my burden, and my fears. I have got back up from the negativity at end of July. I was so high that I was confident on many things. Yet it was during that period that 15 October happened, the day when I hit the wall. I tried to recover but then I struggled. I wanted to go to the extreme that I used extreme words such as jerk and said to many people that I wanted to be a jerk just so that others’ expectations on me are lowered. Then 9 December came and then I wanted to have a perfect 2nd life. And since then I felt tired and the need to be cautious is there as I am scared of hurting people especially those whom I love. I am tired of the needs to keep changing and improving. I just want to be accepted the way I am. Perhaps that is the good news of this Christmas. In a world where no one is able to accept us the way we are, God loves us so much that He came down as a baby in Jesus and accept us the way we are.
No comments:
Post a Comment