Busybody

I am continually reminded by few people on my tendency to be busybody while neglecting my own responsibilities. Somehow I like dwelling in my illusion of helping others. Or at least my excitement overcome my rational whether it is needed or not.

First, I like to share any contents that I am excited about. I share in the expenses of two things: one is my own time as it reduces the time of doing my own work. Secondly, I spammed other people and I don’t care whether they like it by assuming they have the responsibilities to tell me if they do not like receiving my messages.

Second, I help people while they may not feel being helped. For example, I was supposed to join other team due to business needs although at the end I managed to stick to what I currently do and like to do. At the end the position will be open for new hire. I then took the responsibilities to ask around. Until my colleague said he is not comfortable because it will affect him. What if the person I shared to is then hired but not really competent. Isn’t it bringing bad to those who work with the new hire? So the best is to let the relevant people handle and help only when being asked.

Perhaps I ask what is wrong with trying to help others? As mentioned, it can be my illusion of helping people when the people I try to help does not need it or worse they may experience negative things by me helping them. So be careful when I feel helping people whether it is indeed helping people or in fact just satisfy my self-centeredness and in actual it is harmful for both others and myself.

Let me remind again what has happened from early August to now 1st of December. It is true that I feel happier than April to July this year. But the thing is that happier may not be a good thing. This is because too happy can cause over confident and it may result of me neglecting important matters. Let’s list down the negative impact so far I have seen in the past few months.

In terms of money, I lost a lot of money. First, I was late for paying credit card several times. As it is not my first time, the late payment fee and interest charge cannot be waived. Second, I did not realize that I have been paying over $200 dollar of data roaming charge due to my travel to Indonesia 4-9 Sep and to Bangkok 30 Sep-11 Oct. My bill is between 7th of the month to the following month. So I actually can see the data roaming charge on September bill for the charge happening for 4-6 Sep. But I did not do that. Because I paid by GIRO I did not check my bill. So I let go the chance to waive the data roaming charge incurred in Indonesia. Worse, this cause me unprepared to go to Thailand which is longer duration. But again when the bill was released on 7 Oct, I did not pay attention. I only realized on my November bill and at the end only managed to get the waiver for the charge happening between 7 to 11 Oct. What a waste.

In terms of relationship, my relationship with my wife and my best friend in office was in tense as I was too busy to take up new commitment, to share things on social media, and to talk with many people. My relationship with my manager was not that great too. I also argued with few other friends. In addition, my relationship with God is also lagging behind. I am not still on the devotion dated 7 Nov (more than 3 weeks lagging behind). As far as I can remember, this does not happen when I was depressed. Of course there is a good side of me during these periods like helping few other struggling friends. But I think if I am more careful, I can get the positive side of this period with excited feeling without causing harmful effects on the other hand.

In terms of work, yes, I can think clearly and make contributions. At the same time, from Aug to Nov was my first time having 500 unread e-mails which last for weeks and even until now. It was my first time too having more than 5 unsent minutes of meeting that was dated as far as August this year. I am also still struggling to send out the minutes until now. But yet, instead of sitting down and focus in wrapping up and sending them out, I was busybody on other things again.

In terms of reflection, my frequency of writing this blog can tell something as well. When I was depressed from April to July, the number I wrote was 2, 7, 4, 9 which make 22 articles in total. When I was high from August to September, the number of times I wrote was 6, 5, 8, 1, which make 20 articles in total. What a contrast given that the number of ideas I have from August to September was enormous. Again, what a waste.

In short, I was depressed for 4 months from Apr to July. Then I was too high that I became busybody for 4 months from Aug to Nov. The question is what am I going to bring or to strive for at least the next 4 months from Dec 2018 to March 2019?