No Feasible Solution

A possible main cause of my stress is that there is a cycle for no feasible solution. That is because I want to find a perfect alternative which does not exist in this reality.

In each situation, as simple as choosing clothes, what to eat, to more serious things such as which work to do and how to do it, I want to find the perfect alternative. To me, the best alternative is equal to the perfect alternative. While in reality, best is at least not perfect, if not very far from perfect option.

Let’s look at three examples. First was last night when I was energetic after running. I managed to choose one thing to do and remember to take a break. It exceeded the total time I estimated but in general I think it is ok. Was it perfect? No, but I got things done.

Second is today where I started to feel uncomfortable again. If the best alternative is to always have clear mind, then there is no feasible solution. At the same time, is there really not a thing that I can do when I have negative feelings? Just like raining or even hot sun, we are limited on the choice of activity. So instead of focusing on what we cannot do, look at the things that we can do. Look at things that can still be done when feeling down. If cannot, then look at other option instead of wishing we can change the feeling directly.

Third, look at the way I assess at the big picture. The perfect for two days is of course two days with good feeling. So what do I think of yesterday getting a thing done and some rests. Is it a feasible or good enough situation? Or is it not feasible because the threshold is so high which is the perfectness? Now about self-rating, do I also expect the perfect option, which is to change immediately? If cannot, that means I cannot change. Or can I accept a range in between. Also, expect that it is not a simple thing such as if I can accept myself, then the problem is done. Another problem will come such as how to handle the low frustartion level. Because even if I can accept myself with imperfectness, it does not mean the feeling will go away. I also need to accept that I don’t like something less perfect and that it will still hurt as I continue living.

So again, watch out for the zero-one thinking: either I change now or I cannot change at all. Which both are not feasible solutions. Generate other alternative and lower the thresholds.