This holiday reminds me how difficult it is for me to live in the present. I dwelled too much and condemned my past while I worry for the future that I cannot control. Therefore, I lost the energy to live in the present and to make decisions needed today.
Unlike last holiday, there are many things that I regret during this holiday. Somehow I can let go better of my mistakes in last December holiday while I keep condemning on what I didn't do for this holiday. It may be true that this holiday is one of the most unprepared ones where I didn't spend enough time to do research on what tickets to buy in advance to skip the lines. Because of that, we missed going inside and the top of Florence cathedral, Pisa tower, Vatican Basilica, and Rome Collosseum. But is there any good by condemning myself on things that I cannot change?
Likewise, I had a paper to help review of which deadline is 26 May. I requested to extend till 2 June, the day when I left Singapore. But until now I struggled to wrap it up because of my inferiority complex that I think I haven't understood enough and haven't had good enough reviews to send out.
At the same time, I worry too much on the future. Last night I was deciding whether to go to Cordoba today or Monday. I also needed to decide on the timing to go to the Seville Palace. It was so hard to decide as I was overwhelmed by the risk of each option and I could not accept them at all. It was thanks to my wife to bear with me and calmed me down to finally make a decision.
I am not sure whether I can pick up myself - that is another future that I may worry to much. What I need to remember is to live the present.
Yes, past and future are important. But focus on the learnings on the past that are useful to live the present and not the regrets and things that I can no longer change. Also, focus on what I can do now for the future instead of trying to predict the future too much and removing the risks for each option.
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