Just three days working after the Chinese New Year holiday and I fell again into the anxious cycle where I want to escape by being distracted on something else instead of facing what I need to do and that I am not perfect.
One indication is that I want to change a lot of things and those things are not small. For example, today I just want to pay bill but because of that, I look at the transaction history and be reminded about different bank’s savings program with their varying interest. Then that’s where from 15 minutes task becoming a 2-hr tasks without any much of value added. I even browsed through on the page of selecting the best credit cards and started to ask why my choice of credit card seems to be not the optimal one.
That is just a snapshot on how I felt stressed and then when finally try to complete one task, it reminded me on my wish to be more well versed in financial planning and expect everything to be done now and here instead of scheduling to some time. It’s like I have been living with not so well plan and suddenly when I am reminded of the importance of planning, I want to do all the planning now. Isn’t it too far from reality?
Last Thursday was a bonus. After committing that I want to complete an overdue task for 30 minutes, I spent 2 hour to complete it with much additional things including searching some software features. It ended well. But afterwards, I am faced with the reality that other things are waiting. And I started to be shaken and nervous. It was still okay and even I learned new things from my colleague towards the end of the office hour. So Thursday was generally good. But again at night at home I started to feel stressed as I want to do certain things and I brought back several things to do at home such as the revision of the poster.
Yesterday at office was again challenging. I was in contact with colleague from other country and I was not sure whether I am fake or not when asking how things after the holiday. Afterwards, I tried to focus doing something, and it was soon interrupted. Afterwards, I seek help but was easily distracted. Even for the decision whether or not too fast for commemorating the Ash Wednesday, took me quite long. Afternoon was full of learning, something that is very surpising. Basically in the first three days after new year, every day I learn something technical. Isn’t good? But I still have the tendency to highlight what is not done…
This morning I want to do a lot of things again. But at the end, I haven’t started any work related and not sure whether I can do it today. That’s where I am reminded, it may not be realistic to do big changes in one day. Even my best friend plan things weekly not daily because daily target is more prone to failure. So, daily it is more realistic to build something that is small but steady such as the commitment to write like this.
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