What do I want?

At this stage of adult, I can’t depend on doing what others want me to do. The change needs to come from inside. No matter how many or how often people feedback to me, it won’t work for long unless I want to change. Another question is what kind of change? Do I want to feel better? Or do I want to improve the quality of doing my responsibilities.

Remember that feeling better does not guarantee better quality of doing my responsibilities. For example, when I was in high mood, I also run from my basic responsibilities. So do I still want to focus on feeling better? Do I still want to focus on having things smoothly? Or do I want to focus on improving my quality of work?

Do I still want to use low or high mood as an excuse for not delivering my responsibilities?

No, I don’t want. It is not going to be easy to face my responsibilities after escaping them for so long. When my ideal self is angry, look at its intention, acknowledge it and then move on. When my anxious self is doubting, look at its intention, be slightly more careful and then move on.

When situations are still bad, remember not to link it with my feelings. Acknowledge it and then try again. Remember on how my daughter is learning to stand. No matter how often she fails, she will get back up and try again.