As I am now struggling again, let’s remind myself that scolding myself does not work, it makes things worse.
When I am faced with difficult situations, I tend to react negatively as I hate discomfort. So when I realized my contributions to the difficult situations, I will be angry with myself. I am angry because I think if I did not do those things, I would not face this situation. There are many ways to express our anger. But at the moment, I mostly use scolding myself as that is the easiest. Talking and expressing anger in words is easier than changing myself or cleaning up the mess. In addition, it makes me unable to concentrate and therefore I have the luxury to not do things and attribute to my depression.
But let’s remind again that scolding makes things worse. First, it does not solve the real problem. It only distracts me from solving the problem. Second, it steps on my respect air hose that I could not breathe. I will have an internal emotional conflict as I disrespect myself. This will then push me to do some unloving or incorrect actions that lead to other problems. So instead of solving the main problem, I created new problems. As I created new problems, I will be angrier to myself and the cycle continues.
So what to do? It is difficult to just stop scolding. It is easier to replace actions than stop actions. So, let’s do these three. First, do deep breathing exercise. Focus on my breathing. Focus on praying to God as I inhale and exhale. Second, take a break. Take a step back. Write. Go back to the priority list. Third, do what is good enough. Admit that no matter what I will do, it will not be enough. So let go the perfection and aim to be some steps closer to what is good enough.
When I am faced with difficult situations, I tend to react negatively as I hate discomfort. So when I realized my contributions to the difficult situations, I will be angry with myself. I am angry because I think if I did not do those things, I would not face this situation. There are many ways to express our anger. But at the moment, I mostly use scolding myself as that is the easiest. Talking and expressing anger in words is easier than changing myself or cleaning up the mess. In addition, it makes me unable to concentrate and therefore I have the luxury to not do things and attribute to my depression.
But let’s remind again that scolding makes things worse. First, it does not solve the real problem. It only distracts me from solving the problem. Second, it steps on my respect air hose that I could not breathe. I will have an internal emotional conflict as I disrespect myself. This will then push me to do some unloving or incorrect actions that lead to other problems. So instead of solving the main problem, I created new problems. As I created new problems, I will be angrier to myself and the cycle continues.
So what to do? It is difficult to just stop scolding. It is easier to replace actions than stop actions. So, let’s do these three. First, do deep breathing exercise. Focus on my breathing. Focus on praying to God as I inhale and exhale. Second, take a break. Take a step back. Write. Go back to the priority list. Third, do what is good enough. Admit that no matter what I will do, it will not be enough. So let go the perfection and aim to be some steps closer to what is good enough.
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