Continually switching mind on what to do next

Yesterday and today I can become stressed in just few hours. Yesterday evening was stressful, today was ok, but now I feel stressed again. And the surprising thing is that now is considered as a period with low load. But perhaps that is the very reason I get stressed. When things are very busy, I was forced to focus on the most urgent thing. This is unlike the case where there is no pressing thing. This is time where I need to make decision on what to do next. And that’s where I often fail. After getting a lot of help, at least now I know what to do next. But the problem is that I continually switch my mind on what to do. It’s as if I could not commit on doing the thing that I have decided to do. I still look back and side. I have not given all on the task, and then start considering whether I should do the other thing.

The good thing is that I can still focus sometimes. But the focus is also too long that I unconsciously blame myself, as if I will say that, look, when you focus, you end up spending too much time. Isn’t it better to be keep switching the mind so that we are not spending the time too long?

One possible way that may help is to reduce the number of things to do. But how can I do that when I am easily excited to sign up for additional work? The rate of the things that I sign up is more than the amount of things I can take.

And again, the issue is similar to the one mentioned in the counseling session, I want the change to happen fast and right now - this is something that backfires. For example, today I managed to say no to my impulsiveness three times, in the morning about the image enhancement algorithm, in the noon about the autism talk, and one more that I forget. The thing is that there are some successes. It’s just that I still fail. Isn’t normal? Given that I have been facing this issue not just in the past 8 years  but longer. So I need to reduce my expectation and remind myself that change doesn’t happen overnight. It is in this difficult time that I need to remember the small good habit such as this 5-minute writing habit.