The question is what do I want to focus on? Yesterday I waited very long at Jurong East due to a train problem. It was uncomfortable and so I did not want to do anything while waiting. I wanted to wait until it is more comfortable before starting to do something. It is ok if we do this occassionally. But I realize that it seems to be almost a habit for me.
I reached office yesterday and was frightened with the many things I needed to do and that I had to break them down to be less abstract. But I chose to focus on my feeling which was uncomfortable due to the fear. I waited to do my plan until I felt better, which didn't come as the more I waited, the more focus I gave to the uncomfortable feeling, and so the more uncomfortable I become.
So this time, I chose to focus what I can do for any one in my list or my mind such as writing this. It is still uncomforable and I am still sweating. But I focus on what I want to do and I can do such as writing this. So I missed three trains in Bukit Batok and two trains in Jurong East. But it does not prevent me from doing something which is better than being perfect.
Likewise, today there will be many uncomfortable feelings. I feel uncomfortable of my past mistakes, the mistakes that just happen, and any imperfection that occurs such as not sure how to reply or how to do something. Also, I have been wanting to become someone special. That makes me feel uncomfortable when I find myself average or below average. When that happens, which one do I choose to focus?
With my own strength, I think I will dwell on my uncomfortable feeling again. But if I choose to rely on Jesus, there is a promise that I can do anything because I am already loved by Him, instead of seeking for love and acceptance from others and myself.
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