What make me angry?

Knowing what make us angry is essential part of our growth. But apparently I don’t like to know that because it hurts my pride. So the first and major thing is that I am angry when I find that I could not control my anger. I have the irrational belief that being angry is not good and so when I find myself in anger, I am really furious. How could I not control my emotion? How could I have the desire to punch the air? How can I, being as a Christian, still have anger? How can I be angry to those whom I love? How can I be angry to those who are strangers, who may be the first time make mistakes against me? How can I be not so logical and angry?

In other word, I have the irrational belief that I must not be angry at all times and regardless the situations. Or even if I am angry, it has to be a holy angry. If it is a childish angry, I will be very upset and angry to myself. Sounds complex, but it is true just like in the past I often felt stressed when I found myself depressed.

It takes a courage therefore to find the answers of the question what make me angry? Because it turns out that a simple negative feedback to me, or a comment where it seems that I made a wrong decision can make me furious. It can also be an anger where somebody made other have negative comment to me, or indirectly cause me to have the uncomfortable feeling. I also could not tolerarte simple mistakes such as wrong map when it matters to me such as when I am rushing. And that is where the angry because of angry comes. Because I am surprised to find out myself that I can be angry of small little things. But in general, I am very angry to myself when I found out that I do something wrong. This will be multiplied when I found myself to keep repeating the same mistakes without any change on me. I am also angry when I cannot solve a problem. I am angry when people or myself cause me look bad. So, pride, face, difficulties are some of the sources that make me angry.

Even the process of improving my anger itself can make me angry due to my binary thoughts. When I want to improve the way I control my emotion, I want to jump steps to be someone who controls my emotion very well, when in relatiy, it takes many years of practice and mistakes to be able to manage our anger.