I just realized that I still have fear of unexpected changes. It is normal if it stays on the preference level, but it is not healthy if it becomes unconsciously a musturbatory thought.
Today there is a communication session with my director (my manager’s boss’ boss). During the question and answer session, I asked about a choice point between A and B. All along we thought that we will do B. But recently we were informed that we will revert back to A. As it is not a straightforward work to revert back to A and after a certain date, we can’t keep changing, I was asking what is the chance that the management will ask for B again in the future. To my surprise, my director did not know that we’re planning to go back to A. I then realized that my question might hurt someone who is supposed to keep the director updated.
My friend asked me what is the reason I asked that in public. I realized that is due to my ego. I do not want to have extra work due to changing direction in the future. If it is preference, it is ok. But it seems that I already cross the boundary where I must not experience any changes that I am willing to take the risk of causing troubles to some people. This is an irrational belief as it is not awful to have unexpected changes. In fact, I can stand it. I have already experienced several unexpected changes and I could go through them relatively well. So there is no strong reason why I cannot handle unexpected changes.
Also, I need to ask myself, what is the goal of asking that question. If it is to minimize extra work, then I may also want to be careful not to cause trouble as the trouble may give me extra work. This is called rational thinking. Although it is true that I am by nature using my feeling, I also have the responsibility to make my feeling to be a rational feeling.
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