Befriending Helplessness

I don’t like to feel helpless. I like to be able to help people. I want to be able to address problems. I don’t like being stuck. I don’t like to hear sad stories where there is no way to help. It is as if it is better to ignore than to hear but unable to do anything.

But in reality helplessness can be found in various places. At the end I need to acknowledge that I am just a human with limitations. I cannot heal sick people. I cannot change other people’s mind, even I cannot change certain parts of myself.

So the question is that if it is everywhere, can I make friend with helplessness? Is it okay to feel helpless?

I don’t like it but I can stand it. That is because helplessness is not dangerous. It is not the real threats. The real threats will come the moment we want to breakaway and run from being helpless. Instead of improving the situations, we may create more problems just by forcing us to be in control of something.

In Albert Ellis’ book “How To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable About Anything-yes, Anything”, there are three pillars he suggested: unconditional acceptance of sef, unconditional acceptance of others, and unconditional acceptance of life. So if life is full of helpless situation, we need to accept it.

Accepting may not necessarily mean doing nothing. By accepting it means that we decide to focus on what we can do instead of what we cannot do. By accepting it we can learn to pray to God who is able to do everything to take in control, to show His power and to make us sensitive to His will on whether He wants to change or He is actually prepare something good for us behind all the helpless situations. Even one said that we need to open our hearts when things are helpless as God will give important lessons in those difficult situations.

So when helpless situation comes, pray, leave it to God. If we feel sad, cry it out, share it, there is no need to look strong. We are a limited human with unlimited grace from God. So there is nothing we need to be afraid of. God is in control and He can make things beautiful in His time.