New York City

We spent four nights in New York City last month. So there were three full days. We spent one day to go to Woodbury Premium Outlet. Thanks to the kind receptionist at Americana hotel at Arlington, we got to know that there is same day ticket sale for Broadway theater. So we searched for the place to buy that same-day ticket. At first I did not know that there are so many Broadway theaters. I thought there is just one theater with many shows. It turns out to be the other way around. Most theater only has one show at a given period of time. So we need to go to different theaters to watch different shows. Thankfully, the TKTS booth where there is subsidy from the Theater Development Fund which made them able to give discount is only at one place which is near the Times Square. We thought we will wait for a long time as there were a long queue. But the service booths were efficient and the traffic flowed quite fast. We were not sure what to choose since there are many options for the discounted tickets. Of course they do not offer discounts to all shows. For example, we wanted to watch Ms Saigon or Lion King but there were no discount. So we chose 3 to be our considerations: Chicago, Cats, and one more that I can’t remember. At the end we chose Cats as it was shown in Marina Bay Sands before. At that time we did not know that Chicago show is coming to Singapore this year. So we watched Cats at the Neil Simon theater.

In the evening, we ate dim sum at Chinese restaurant. Afterwards, there went my crazy idea. My wife just wanted to try walk over the Brooklyn bridge from Manhattan to Brooklyn. But afterwards, since there was no particular near subway station, I asked her to just walk to Barclays Center, the home of Brooklyn Nets where Jeremy Lin is currently playing. It turned out to be a very long walk in the middle of freezing weather and slippery ground as it was snowing the night before. Yes, we finally got the chance to see snow although from the hotel’s window in that morning. Surprisingly, we almost miss seeing snow in the US as Washington DC and New York City were not as cold as usual.  

On Sunday, we went to Redeemer Presbyterian Church. That was the time where I realized that A and C subways are express and non-express train. As a result, we missed the stop we wanted as we took the express route. We were then late for 30 minutes for the service. So we decided to go back again at 5 pm although the 5 pm service music style is Jazz. Afterwards we went to the Korea town. There is one three-storey building which is like food court of all Korean stalls.

One thing that we remembered deeply was the fact that we almost miss our flight to Los Angeles. We already bought a ticket from the city to Newark. It was supposed to be every 15 minutes. But that day the frequency was less and the queue was very long. That stop was the last stop in the city and so the bus was not empty to begin with. At the end we decided to take a 60-dollar Uber to go to airport. Thank God that we reached on time as the traffic was fine (there was a blockage on the opposite traffic…). The airport was quite big and so it is good too to take Uber as we can reach the right terminal directly. And we still managed to have a take-away Japanese sushi lunch box with lots of fried onion :).

Los Angeles

As January is ending soon, it’s time to recall my trip to Los Angeles last month. We reached the Los Angeles airport and called an Uber there. It was interesting as Uber directed us to go up the departure hall instead of the arrival hall. I did not read the app properly but I asked around and the info counter told me to go up. The uber driver also called me - it was good and bad as I needed to pay for the roaming of incoming call. Our hotel was good as it is in the downtown although there was no view as it is right next to another building.

We spent 8 days 7 nights there. Out of those days, we spent 1 day in Universal Studios Hollywood, 1 day in Disneyland, and 1 day to go to Desert Hills Premium Outlet in Cabazon. The rest of the days were for going to Little Tokyo, Korea Town, and Chinatown. Aside from that, we watched an NBA game between LA Clippers and San Antonio Spurs and queued for 2 hours to enter the Broad museum that is next to Walt Disney Concert Hall. We also had the chance to visit Living Faith Presbyterian Church, an English-speaking congregation for second or third generation Korean living there.

We liked LA the most among the cities we visited. That is because of the weather that is warmer. Also, there are so many Asian foods there. We ate at Chunju Han-Il Kwan twice, also the Bool Bowl at a food truck. We also had the chance to eat Dimsum at Golden Dragon. The Korean supermarket there, Zion market, is much bigger than any Korean shop we have ever seen in Singapore. Back to Western food, we liked Blaze Pizza so much that we ate it twice. We also liked to go to Target shopping market at FIGat7th near our hotel. We tried another customized pizza at FIGat7th but we still prefer Blade Pizza.

On our way back, it was also nice to take an Uber with a lady driver and a cool car, Cadillac CTS. It was also nice to be able to drive when I rent a Fiat 500 from Enterprise to go to Cabazon. Hope that we someday can go to Los Angeles again, although the probability there may be lower now after the issue of EO.

Obedience does not mean love

I am very thankful for the sermon by Rev. Petrus this morning. The title of the sermon was that Christ is above the human morality. The point is that obeying law including God’s laws does not mean that we love God. On the other hand, it is possible that we look as if disobeying law while we actually do it for the love of God.

A good example is on giving offering or tithe in the church. Many people typically question this and it is one of the hindrance for some people to go to church. I have seen some churches trying to overcome this problem by stating in their bulletin that a first-timer or a symphatizer does not need to give offering.

After the sermon this morning, I can explain better about offering. That it is not offering that matters, it is how much we love God and how we are given the wisdom on how to express it. The illustration was that even believers or church members sometimes feel grateful if the ushers skip them in collecting the offering. Or a possible experiment is that instead of the offering bag is distributed during a particular session, just leave a box in front of the hall for the offering. If the amount collected is much less, it means that the people are still giving out of duty instead of love.

On the other hand, Jesus often seemed to disobey the laws such as by helping people during Sabbath. But the thing was He did it out of love to God and to people that He reminded us that the law is created by God for the goodness of men and not the other way around.

A personal example is on my relationship with my wife. Two examples of my wife’s requests are no need to buy gift or cake during birthday; and to write a conference paper. Usually what I will do is I will obey the first request. Why? Not because of love, but because it is easy to do. I do not need to take the risk to buy a wrong gift or cake. But when it comes to the second request which require more efforts, suddenly my obedience seem to go away.

Now compare the case if I truly love her. In that case, I will have to disobey the first request simply because giving is flowing out of love even if it means making mistake. And for the second request, I will give my best to do it even when it is hard.

I remember what my counsellor said. We are now adults which mean that we are in essence not bounded by rules. We have to make decisions on what to follow and what not to follow based on something. And I hope the foundation is love to God and people starting from my wife, my family, and my friends. Not based on fear or based on love of comfort and convenience.

A Unique Chinese New Year Eve

Yesterday night was memorable as it is slighlty different from the past celebrations. Thanks to the hard work of my wife’s family, as usual, we have a wonderful steamboat dinner. But afterwards, instead of watching Chinese movies as all of the TV cable channels are usually open, we watched the live streaming of Jakarta’s electorial debates for the three pairs of governor and vice governor candidates.

It was like watching football game but the different is that this one is easier to appreaciate for the family. That is perhaps because Jakarta is the capital of Indonesia and a good governance impacts a lot of people. Another reason is perhaps that the candidates profile are interesting. Some are with experience, some with connections, and some with theories. Last night was the second round of the debate. The first round of debate two weeks ago entertained many people and so it was exciting to be able to see live last night.

One thing I learn is on how to progress. We need to be careful in progressing. There is one candidate where people are wondering what would happen if he fails to win. He already left the job where he specializes in and it is like point of no return as he could not go back to his old job. Well, it can be interpreted as a progress. But sometimes, uncalculated progress is dangerous. Again, we don’t do things for the sake of learning. We want to apply and address real problems. So there may be little benefits for doing something just to try while paying a huge cost. There is another candidate where it is sad to see his progress. His first impression was super good as he could create a win-win scenario for fresh graduates that they can serve people in the remote areas while maintaining or even increasing their chances to join good companies afterwards. He was also a good TED speaker. So although he can always come back to his previous job, it is sad to see on how one pushes so much to gain power that he loses the respects of many. These two also gave a good example on how we need to say no even to our parents and how we need to be careful in desiring power instead of giving the best to develop our strenghts and talents.

At the same time, I am glad to see a great example of how one can progress. There is a candidate who is known for being short-tempered and with sharp tongues. It may not be true as my best friend once said that he could also be polite when speaking to most people. As in he only did that to people who deserve for harsh words. But last night, I realized how much he has progressed. I was watching with emotions when there was an invalid question and when there was long statements without a question. But he was just smiling - and even dancing. When he expressed his arguments, his tones and choice of words were in control. He also improved from his mistakes in the first round of debate. So I can see real progress.

In this new lunar year, I hope I can remember the lessons on progress. Thanks to my friends, I have now specific instead of vague goals. So now the question is how I adhere to the initial commitment and how to continue for training even when it feels hard. The point is to progress well and hopefully we can finish well.

A.J.D Accessories

Recalling the memory from going to Tokyo last month, one of the impressive experience was to find A.J.D accessories shop again (http://www.ajdaccessories.com/shop/shop-list/kitakanto/btb_harajuku/).

We went to Tokyo in June 2014. Back then, we felt that it is very difficult to shop in Tokyo as either the price is too high or the quality is not good if the price is affordble. So we were very happy when we found a shop in Harajuku where the price and quality are just nice.

2.5 years later, we already forgot about that shop as we went around Tokyo. We had just finished trying the food at Dominique Ansel Bakery where we just strolled around. Then we reached into a junction where we flashed back and remember that we were there before. It was then when my wife remembered about the shop. And having been blessed with the talent to find directions just by recognizing the landmark, we managed to reach the A.J.D accessories for the second time. Again, we found some items that are worth buying in terms of the price and quality.

Perhaps that’s one of the beauty of traveling. We just need to go to some place first and then things will be unwrapped later on. Often if we watch show in Amazing Race, we will only get a clue when we reach certain destination. This happens to us as my wife only remembers about the existence of that shop when we were in a junction in Harajuku.

So sometimes in life I have the tendency to overthink as if everything can be predicted from where I stand now. This story reminds me the importance of moving forward and believe that there will be something that may only be found out once we are there.

Befriending Helplessness

I don’t like to feel helpless. I like to be able to help people. I want to be able to address problems. I don’t like being stuck. I don’t like to hear sad stories where there is no way to help. It is as if it is better to ignore than to hear but unable to do anything.

But in reality helplessness can be found in various places. At the end I need to acknowledge that I am just a human with limitations. I cannot heal sick people. I cannot change other people’s mind, even I cannot change certain parts of myself.

So the question is that if it is everywhere, can I make friend with helplessness? Is it okay to feel helpless?

I don’t like it but I can stand it. That is because helplessness is not dangerous. It is not the real threats. The real threats will come the moment we want to breakaway and run from being helpless. Instead of improving the situations, we may create more problems just by forcing us to be in control of something.

In Albert Ellis’ book “How To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable About Anything-yes, Anything”, there are three pillars he suggested: unconditional acceptance of sef, unconditional acceptance of others, and unconditional acceptance of life. So if life is full of helpless situation, we need to accept it.

Accepting may not necessarily mean doing nothing. By accepting it means that we decide to focus on what we can do instead of what we cannot do. By accepting it we can learn to pray to God who is able to do everything to take in control, to show His power and to make us sensitive to His will on whether He wants to change or He is actually prepare something good for us behind all the helpless situations. Even one said that we need to open our hearts when things are helpless as God will give important lessons in those difficult situations.

So when helpless situation comes, pray, leave it to God. If we feel sad, cry it out, share it, there is no need to look strong. We are a limited human with unlimited grace from God. So there is nothing we need to be afraid of. God is in control and He can make things beautiful in His time.

The joy of working with friends

I am very fortunate to have colleagues who are friends as well. It just feels that I am not working but more playing together.

Recently I began to be successful in implementing a time management system where I limit my focus time on 25 minutes. This helps me to focus and said to distractions such as thoughts, ideas, worries, concerns to wait by putting them into the to-do-list in my Evernote. When the time is up, I will then take a short break before continuing again.

The problem is that I cannot directly apply it to human. There can be people popping up and start talking. Well, at least with the system, I don’t initiate talking. But when they do, then I learn to be relax and enjoy the conversation which turns out both entertaining and fruitful.

Since I moved my past intern’s whiteboard to my desk, it becomes even easier as I can ask my friends to draw some concepts that I find them difficult to understand. So we can discuss a lot on my pod both on work and non-work related matters.

Also, I was expecting a very structured schedule. But it turns out to be more random, where unplanned discussion took place and ideas were generated.

Well, this may also because I am now very positive at the moment and there is no deadline coming to me. In other words, I start to managing my time well when the goals and tasks are defined by me - which is really God’s tremendous grace. At the same time, I need to remember that things are not always smooth. Just like another friend as well as mentor from my office messaged me the best motivational video which reminds us to take up our dream and expect things will not be easy.

Saying no is also a way to help others

During the conference last month, I met my Italian friend. When I said my struggle of too many things to do, she reminded me again the importance of saying no. Her argument is that by saying no, we can actually help others more than we say yes.

For example, if we are already busy and we say yes, there is a possibility that we cannot help optimally or even may not be able to help at all due to time constraint. So by saying no, we can actually help others better as they could receive what help they need in a timely manner.

There was also an example I still remember. I was asked to share a simple task of sharing knowledge. But I decided to decline it as I was down and I was even not able to manage my own task. At the end apparently it gave the chance to my other colleague who was eager to try to share the knowledge to others.

So it is okay to say no. Refer to others quickly. Learn to say no to ourselves too. For example, I put the tasks of finding printers to my manager and he found it faster. I was not sure whether a printer can be borrowed and therefore I sent e-mail to connect those who are interested and those who have the printer.

This is important especially at this stage when I am positive. I need to ensure when I say yes to something, I don’t neglect my own need. Of course if it is beneficial, it is ok to take. But at the same time, let’s continue to have a new mindset that saying no can be the best way to help others.

Both can be right

Today I argued with my wife on which channel is Goblin Korean drama is shown at. My wife said Oh!K while I said TvN. Both of us were confident that we are right. We also believed that we had solid proof on our argument. So my wife presented the 8 days magazine writing that Goblin is shown in Oh!K while I show the web page showing that Goblin is by TvN.

It turns out that both of us are right. Goblin is aired by TvN in South Korea. Although we have the option of watching TvN in Singapore, somehow Oh!K acquired the right to broadcast it in this region. In other word, in Singapore, Goblin is only available in Oh!K instead of TvN.

This reminds me on my conversation with my colleague this afternoon. Both of us were confident about something. At the end I thought I was the one who is right as I had solid proof where he didn’t. But after I came back to my desk, I found another case where what my colleague said was totally right. In other word, both of us are right. In the situation that I presented to him during the discussion, I was right. But on another case that I didn’t consider in the discussion, he is right.

It also reminds me on the course Model Thinking where it gave example where competing statements such as two cooks spoil the broth and two is better than one can be both right. The crucial part is to know under which situation one holds and what other situation another holds.

Just like what is mentioned in the Serenity Prayer. There are both things that we can change and things we cannot change. The wisdom we need is to know under which situation one holds.

The Importance of Having Small Break

I keep forgetting that small break is important. This week is a good reminder. I learned a lot and progressed significantly at work this week is partly because I set a timer for every 25 minutes I need to take a break, no matter how small it is like standing, drinking water, or checking my phone. This is good because I can focus more when the distraction comes as I can tell myself that I can do it later during the break.

Another use is to take a breath and re-focus plus controlling the time. For example, if I already spent something 3x 25 minutes task, it may be the time to switch to other task on the to-do-list of the day first. Also, I can reflect whether I did too much on certain things. If I am tired, I can also decide to switch to less thinking-intensive task such as changing monitor last Friday.

A good example was yesterday. It was supposed to be more relaxing day as I went eating in the bazaar in the morning, had lunch with my cousins, watched the Master movie, and then watched Goblin at home. But somehow I felt more tired. There can be many factors. But perhaps one of the reason was that I did not take a small break. Watching movie for two hours meaning non-stop concentration. There was no break at all - at least I didn’t make an attempt. This can be shown during dinner time as I watched Goblin. My wife asked me why I didn’t start eating when the food on the plate was already in front of me. I replied back saying how I can start without praying and how I can pray as the drama was on. At that point of time I realized that I was attached too much to the screen. It is fine to let go some parts of the story. I don’t have to concentrate all the time. Saying grace is less than 1 minute and it is okay to miss that part - as if I never miss any part of Goblin before while in reality I only started to follow starting from new year’s eve.

So, let’s remember to take a break. It can just be several seconds, but it matters.

Alexandria, Virginia

Now is the time to recall a bit on some of the places we visited during US trip last night. The staff of the hotel we stayed at Arlington, Virginia, recommended us to visit Alexandria, an old town. There was even a magazine written about that. So we decided to visit it on our second last day. Well, it is not that special if we compare to Europe. But it is quite unique compared to other places we visited. That is because the town is concentrated, the shops and restaurants are stretched across the street, but the buildings are not tall like in Manhattan.

So my wife, my friend, and I enjoyed strolling there looking at the neighborhood including a visit to a Gap outlet. At the end of the street, we could see the Potomac river and took photo. We also enjoyed eating at a Ben & Jerry’s shop.

That is one of nice things in traveling. Aside from getting the chance to visit famous cities, we get to see a smaller town that is equally nice. Just like we liked it a lot when we visited places like Dalat, Hallstatt, and Cesky Krumlov.

Go to our targeted destination first and then adapt accordingly

I recalled the dinner with my wife and my three friends at Ted’s Bulletin, Washington DC. We were thinking to have dinner either near the White House or Capitol Hill. Since Old Ebbit Grill near the White House is fully booked, we decided to go to Rose’s Luxury near Capitol Hill which does not accept reservation. We expected a long queue there. But it turns out that when we reached there, they no longer accept any walk in. Since we already managed to get a parking on the street there while it is difficult to park in Washington DC in general, we decided to look around the restaurants nearby. At the same time it was very cold. After several unsuccessful attempts, we were surprised to find that there was an immediate table available for five of us at Ted’s Bulletin. To our surprise, the rating of that restaurant was high as well and the food was great.

That reminds me that sometimes in life, we just decide to go to a targeted destination first even when there is no guarantee of success. Like that day, I either went to Rose’s Luxury or need to continue to do search of restaurants which still accept reservation - something that I could not get after more than 0.5 hour searching. It was a good decision to go there. It turns out that there are many nearby restaurants and somehow there is a car park. Of course, good decision does not guarantee good outcome. At the same time, it is often not optimal to avoid risk.

Today I experienced something similar. I just wanted to do a little experiment and I break down into several steps. It turns out that there is problem in each step that I need to deviate a bit to address it. And at the end, I learned more than what I thought.

So, let’s be courageous and set a goal. We may fail there, but at least we decided on a goal. And we never know that there is something even better after we reach there, even if the initial goal is not successful. Just like my pastor said last Sunday, having a right direction is also important aside from the goal itself.

Letting Go and Be Persistent

I learned three things on how to solve problem from missing a glove in Woodbury common outlet.

First, accept that we made a mistake. It was hard but I need to acknowledge that I missed the left glove because of my preference and my carelessness. First, I actually do not need to keep opening my glove. But I felt more comfortable operating my handphone with my bare hand. At the same time, the weather was cold, and so I still want to keep my gloves outside my bag instead of keeping it. It was this indecisiveness on whether to keep or not to keep causing me to be prone of the glove slipping out.

Second, I need to learn to know when to stop trying to solve the problem. I kept asking around within the Adidas store but no one knows. As it is less than 10 minutes ago, I decided to stop. This is because if it falls somewhere slightly difficult to see, it is not easy for people to find it and bring it to the cashier which I assumed to be acting as the lost and found part. It was difficult because I could not accept the negative consequence of my mistake. Secondly, the glove was nice and useful and so I am very sad if I lose it and have to buy a replacement. But it was not effective to search and thus I decided to let it go.

Third, be persistent at the same time. Prepare to accept the loss, but as long as there is something we can do, do it. Before we went back home, I took the courage to try asking the cashier of Adidas store. It was saddening when the cashier said they don’t have anything. Well, it was expected. But few seconds afterwards, there is another staff, non-cashier staff stopped me and asked me to look at a place he pointed out to check it out. And yes, the glove was above one of the shelves. I was so happy to find it and grateful for that person’s kindness.

So, be courageous that we are human who can make mistake. Try to solve the problem but let it go when things are not fruitful. At the same time, after taking some break, it is ok to revisit the problem. Most of the time, it may not change anything, at the same time there is still a hope that somehow the problem can be solved, probably with some unexpected help.

Different Kinds of Happiness

This year I am grateful to have a very nice birthday. I could go out with my wife for a date, have lunch with both tumpeng and birthday pancake afterwards. Also, it happens to be a Sunday where I served as ushers and it is first time to have the Holy Communion on my birthday.

A usual response would be what more could I wish more. That’s true as I am really blessed. At the same time, it poses a big question whether past events were not as happy as this and future events cannot be even better than now.

For example, last year I was in a stressed period of time when celebrating the birthday. Does it mean last year I was less blessed? Now, it can even be more. I could feel the love of my wife who was with me even when I was very down. Also, it was a memorable experience on how I could have a bad start in the beginning of the year but ending it well.

I don’t know how the future is. But there can be a different kind of happiness. For example, taking more responsibilities like becoming parents sound scary. Or if we have more responsibilities in office. Those are scary. But there can be even greater happiness behind it. Just like marriage may be tougher than single hood but brings a richer happiness, we don’t know whether there can be a different kind of happiness. One thing for sure is that the greatest happiness is when we are with Jesus forever, not sure how it looks like, but that’s the faith we have. So continue to cherish the present, and at the same time work hard for the future. As one said, we are not called to do everything, but we must do everything that we are called to do.

Three Things in My Mind

My mind tends to be very complex as in I have so many thoughts that I cannot describe in a structured way. So one method it seems to be working is by saying out or deciding that I have three things in my mind and then try to fit or try to pick three things out of the pool of mind.

Here are 3 things that make it works for me.

First, it makes me realistic that we are limited. So we need to pick three out of the so many ideas or so many things I have. In other word, it helps me to prioritize and it removes my fear of missing something because anyway I can only fit three things.

Second, it gives me courage to make decision. 3 seems to be a reachable number. I think I can make up something up to 3. For example when my manager asked me what I plan for meeting the future interns, I just quickly said three things while I actually haven’t decided what are those 3 things. So while talking to him, I came up with three things starting the easier, which is to introudce the team members, followed by to settle the admin as I remember there is something I need to ask, and third is to have a rough plan in the coming few weeks so that we can get things started.

Third, it helps me to connect things and structure my thoughts. For example, during a meeting in my church, we were talking what it means with the term weakness in Romans 8. So while listening to others, I try to connect my thoughts and classify them into three. The three does not need to be all independent. I decided that weakness can mean difficulties in keeping hope alive in three aspects: how to change my mindset, how to change my behavior, and how to pray for others when they seem not changing. In other word, there are actually only two: difficulties in changing myself and difficulties of ofthers to change. But I break the difficulty in changing myself further into two parts. One is the the mindset part, and another is how to change our behavior or improve skills even when the mindset has been changed.

So hopefully I can continue using it just as I try to use it in writing this article.

The Grace of Feeling Tired

Now I realize the importance of feeling tired. As I am very positive in the past few days, I want to do many things. And thank God that this time I could do it one by one instead of being overwhelmed. At the same time, we are still human who are limited physically.

So two days ago on the first day of work I felt very tired. I am wondering why. But perhaps that is a good reaction from my body to remind me that I am limited.

Imagine if I could not feel tired. I guess it would be as bad as if we could not feel pain. Pain saves us from many dangers. Likewise, feeling tired reminds me

That our energy is limited and we need to be recharged by rest. It is as if a fuel gas indicator. When it is low, we need to go to gas station to top up. Otherwise, it can even be quite dangerous if we are running out of gas in the middle of nowhere.

So I want to learn to be grateful that I can still feel tired. It is a good reminder when I feel too positive to be realistic. To slow down, to stop and to be recharged instead of working continuously until we may collapse in the future.

And again, it is also a reminder that if I still could not finish several items and already feel tired, isn’t wise to control my expectations on what I want to do. Although now I don’t need to wake up as early as last year, I need to remember that going to bedtime at a regular time is recommended, even we can set our app to remind us.

So let’s enjoy the gift of feeling tired and how nice it is to take a rest and lay our worry and hope in God.

Goals that are not specific are not goals

Today I learn two direct but true facts: (1) I often fail in my learning not because I am not capable of, but because I want too many things, (2) Goals need to be specific.

I shared to my colleagues that this year I want to be more consistent. I also wish that I could improve my correlation between word and deed. One of the example is that last year I joined a new team to learn broader thing but end up did not spend enough time to learn. To that, my colleague said that it’s because I wanted to do many things. Also, because I had no specific goal or target that required me implementing what I was trying to learn.

Secondly, I learned that is less effective to say I want to be more consistent and to improve my ability to meet my words. That is because at the end of the year, I could not assess whether I have failed or not. And more importantly I have no idea on how I progress. Long term direction can be subjective but goals need to be objective. Another collegue adds, even something that is objective, it can be qualitative and so we need to translate into some quantitative goals so that it is easier to track.

I also learn that again with all the nice distractions, time becomes even more precious. Yesterday I managed to meet 2 of the 4 things I set. But today I did not touch the remaining two. Instead, I was working on other things, some are on the less important list from yesterday, and some are just created today.

So this shows the importance of making specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound goals to have SMART goals.

Keep Close Watch

I have just finished reading my wife’s two posts. I admire them a lot. Although she seldom write, when she writes, it’s just so profound and so sweet. When she talks about God, she doesn’t sound religious, but she is in deep relationship with God. When she writes to me, it is so sweet, so encouraging, and sincere, something that it is difficult for me to do. I often do not know how to express my love to her and sometimes I also doubt whether it is love that is built with effort or it is my habit of kindness. So it is a meaningful lesson from God for me to learn to love by loving my wife.

Today is the first day of work. Although I was nervous in the morning, I decided to focus on God and His generosity. I forgot about Him though. But He has guided me a lot today that I can manage my emotion well. I did not try to be too nice to people, but at the same time I didn’t avoid talking to people. In fact I talked to a lot of people today. I also managed to pick 4 most important tasks today. And I finished two of them.

But again, I need to keep close watch, especially as I am high like now. I need to make sure that I don’t take commitments beyond my ability or beyond my time as life is not just about work. If I am not careful, I may also neglect my wife and be obessed with achievement. Also, just like driving, it’s good to speed up when the road is clear. But we need to make sure that we can slow down in time as the traffic may not be clear.

So let’s not focus whether I will continue do well or not. But to continue focus giving my best to God and enjoy His grace.

Letter to my husband -after 1 year of blogging-

My Dear Cinta,

One year had passed! What a year 2016 had been to you and me and to us. I still remember vividly when we started 2016. You were depressed and I soon followed as I could not handle the stress in school.

But in year 2016, I have also seen how much you grow and progress as an individual. Despite being depressed, you took a lot of challenges! You managed to nurture an intern, managed to write 2 papers and attended research conference! Yey! And you also brought me to see the world -some of it-. All would not be possible without God indeed, but it would not be possible as well if you had run away from your problem and refused to find help.

So, I want to thank you for being honest and humble husband. Thank you for being so brave in admitting that you had a depression problem. Thank you for listening to me that we have to find help. Thank you for being so humble in seeking professional help. Thank you for listening to me again to start a blog to write your complicated mind and thank you for keeping the blog alive -that is something that I had not been able to do-. Thank you for being there for me, thank you for supporting my decision to move school though it means change in our schedule, thank you for loving the weird me, thank you for every step that we walked together, be it rainy or sunny or windy or snowy or even muddy.

Thank you for everything!

Cheers to the new chapter in 2017, to the new challenges and dreams....
No matter what happens, the three of us -you, me and God- will walk through it all.

Love you!
Nyonya P

When everything is new....

Nyonya P here...

Happy new year all!

Finally, 2016 has become a history and 2017 is here for us to write a story. 

2017 is especially different from me since I transferred school. This is my first time in the past 4 years that I am not that worry if I can wake up in the morning or not as my reporting time is now 10+ am in the morning instead of 7am. The school is further though....so I will spend more time commuting between home and school.

Unfortunately, this is also my first time of not knowing what to do on my first class. Usually, I roughly know the steps on what am I supposed to carry out in class. I may not know my students well, but I had always know my stuff well. I know the syllabus, I know what resources that I have and what can I do to 'entertain' them. This time round is totally different. I am no longer teaching English and Maths, but Bahasa Indonesia. I had no prior experience of teaching the subject and has never handle teenagers before. I have been wondering on how I can survive this week and next week.

When I was scrolling down my instagram, I saw a post by youth preacher, Christofer Tapiheru. He posted, "Ketika kita kehilangan yang biasa kita andalkan, Tuhan sedang mengajar kita untuk mengandalkan hanya Dia." Wow! That's so me! For the past 4 years, I have been depending a lot on my own ability, on what I have....my preparation, my skill, my talent...basically I depended a lot on what God had given me instead of depending on God himself. How ironic! And today I realized that I can no longer depend on those ability because I don't know anything at all...no teaching experience, no prior resources, no skill in handling teens....

Thankfully, although I no longer have anything that I can depend on, I still have God who would never leave me, whose grace was, is and will always be sufficient for me. 

Just go into the water!

This morning I went swimming at a friend’s condo. The water there is much colder than the public swimming pool. Sometimes there is a tendency to test the water using our feet and try to feel it is warm enough before we go into the water. The thing is that most probably it will never be warm enough which means that we won’t go into the water. So one suggestion is just to go inside the water immediately.

This reminds me that sometimes we are stronger than we thought. That is one of the lessons from my travel to the US during winter. I could not imagine how I survived since I already could not stand the chill of 18 degrees Celcius. But since I already decided to go for the conference in the Washington DC, then there is no more option, we just have to face it. Surprisingly, it was fine. Something that I could not imagine before. Perhaps it is through some practice like having gone to Taipei and Chongqing before. But still I thought I would face more difficulties where it turns out that my body adapts well.

Going back to work tomorrow feels tough. It feels that I could not do it. But similar to the swimming pool experience, what I can do is to just go and do it.

Of course, I have to be careful not going to the extreme where I think I can do everything without an educated calculation. This is where praying is significant. Because God never gives something that we cannot deal with. So make sure that it has high chance that God wants us to do - since we may not know for sure - so that we can just go to the water, even if it is to walk on the water - which for now, I don’t think I’m called for that. I think I need to be faithful first into jumping into cold swimming pool of which depth is low enough for me to stand on the ground.

It’s been a year!

It’s amazing to remember that it has been a year since I started writing this blog, thanks to my wife. It is by her encouragement that I started this blog which turns out to be a very good tool in expressing my complex thoughts and in learning to maintain consistency as well as being realistic.

I started with 30 minutes of writing a day which later on I realized that it’s too ambitious. I reduced it to 15 minutes but found out that sometimes I still have the dread that I have so many things at hand that another 15 minutes of doing something else is not easy. As the focus is the consistency, I decided to make it just 5 minutes, which was great. This is because I felt racing against time as it is not easy to write a lot in 5 minutes. So I have the urgency to express my thoughts no matter how imperfect it is instead of trying to find the right words to best express them. It works well as I managed to achieve around 40% frequency of writing per month. There are some months that I write more and some that I write less. It was interesting that the months where I felt great, I wrote less. It is a good reminder that sometimes appearing to be successful carry its own danger of forgetting what basic needs that we need to do to support as a strong foundation. It also shows the effectiveness of this blog to support the period where I am more stressful. At the same time, the last few months are also interesting. I have both stressed and wonderful periods like holiday, but in those months, I wrote less even when the target is 5 minutes. It is a reminder that it is not easy to maintain a good habit and it is very important to nurture good habits and relationships.

Just like last year, I needed to learn the hard way that I often took my wife for granted. I was either too depressed and too tired when I was stressed or I was too busy doing the things I want when I felt great. In both cases, I tend to neglect my wife forgetting my commitment to build the relationship and the many things she has done for me. I have also had the tendency to escape from my calling of research when things are hard, forgetting the 7 years she needed to wait for me to finish my phd. So 2016 is a year which I need to remember as a lesson not to take my wife for granted.

Two other important lessons from 2016 are the need to review and to have hope.

I often write or take notes but I seldom review them. This reduces the effectiveness of having a writing habit. For example, at many points, I felt it was the most stressful moment. Only after reviewing my past writings that I found out I felt similar before and I had even more stressful moments but I survived. 2016 is a good year where I started to seek help again. But seeking help may be wasted if I don’t review the good counsels given before. So from time to time I need to learn to review, no need to be exhaustive, what has happened before. This is also a reminder that I don’t need to compare to others. I just need to compare with myself and ensure that I progress to become more like Christ.

2016 is a year that reminds even when we do not have a good start, we can always rise up and have a great ending. I started 2016 with a very bleak mood. I felt it was the worst start of the year as I felt very stressed. But it turned out to be a turning point where I started to seek help and become very energetic. I never imagined at the beginning of last year where I could have moments where I could do many things clearly. Also I didn’t imagine that finally my wife and I could go to US for conference and holiday. Of course it is also a reminder that when things go so well in the middle, it can drop very fast when I do not maintain basic supporting foundations such as exercise and letting things go. At the same time, when I was very stressed again and started to lose hope as I felt that I had tried all things, God showed to me that it is very easy for my feeling to change. I had the opportunity to attend two conferences, both which I was afraid to attend but at the end I enjoyed very much. After the conference in November, I was energetic again for the first week but then stressed in the second week. After the conference in December, it was holiday and so it is not tested yet. This week will be the test. Well, most probably I will be stressed again even if I can pass through this. This is because failure is not something to avoid but it is part of life. Focusing on the probability of failure just makes things worse. So hopefully I can focus on God who loves me regardless of my emotional outlook and move forward to where He calls me to.