Just now my mentor in office prayed for me. I really thank Jesus for that. I was very emotional yesterday because I am angry that I was angry to few colleagues yesterday afternoon. The anger to the colleagues had subsided quickly but the anger to myself was very high to the point that I shut down last night.
As I am recovering today, it was a surprise that he needed to see me and afterwards prayed for me. He also shared two things with one root cause that correctly describe my state now.
The two things are: learn to let go not to do something and no need to take things personally. The one root cause is that it is ok to be imperfect.
Those two are really my struggles. It is hard for me not to learn new things and get excited to help people in need without thinking about my own stuffs. The second one, when I manage to draw boundary, it is okay if I offend people. It is also ok for people to be harsh on me, or to be unfair to me, there is no need to take things personally.
The one root cause is that I try so hard with my own strength to be perfect. And of course this fails. Only God is perfect. So I need to remember that it is ok to be imperfect so that we can move towards to the perfection. Without the discomfort of being imperfect, we cannot move towards the perfection. It is a paradox that in order to be perfect, we need to be imperfect. In order to know something, we need to know that we do not know.
And to obey God and to change, it is only possible with God’s strength in the name of Jesus. With my strength, I could not change no matter how hard I try - and it is very painful. With God’s strength, the struggles will still be there, but it is well-designed struggle that does not exceed what we can.
So, in short, relax, let God takes in charge of myself. In the name of Jesus, He will make me change, not myself.
As I am recovering today, it was a surprise that he needed to see me and afterwards prayed for me. He also shared two things with one root cause that correctly describe my state now.
The two things are: learn to let go not to do something and no need to take things personally. The one root cause is that it is ok to be imperfect.
Those two are really my struggles. It is hard for me not to learn new things and get excited to help people in need without thinking about my own stuffs. The second one, when I manage to draw boundary, it is okay if I offend people. It is also ok for people to be harsh on me, or to be unfair to me, there is no need to take things personally.
The one root cause is that I try so hard with my own strength to be perfect. And of course this fails. Only God is perfect. So I need to remember that it is ok to be imperfect so that we can move towards to the perfection. Without the discomfort of being imperfect, we cannot move towards the perfection. It is a paradox that in order to be perfect, we need to be imperfect. In order to know something, we need to know that we do not know.
And to obey God and to change, it is only possible with God’s strength in the name of Jesus. With my strength, I could not change no matter how hard I try - and it is very painful. With God’s strength, the struggles will still be there, but it is well-designed struggle that does not exceed what we can.
So, in short, relax, let God takes in charge of myself. In the name of Jesus, He will make me change, not myself.
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