Receiving Feedback

Yesterday I was emotional again when receiving feedback from my colleagues. Again, I swing from feeling not being able to do anything to feeling being able to do everything. From I am always wrong to I am always right.

So when yesterday my colleague reminds me that I need to prepare for the business trip next week, I became upset. My pride got better of me. I thought I didn’t deserve to receive that kind of feedback since I felt I had improved a lot in the past one month. But this sounds familiar. Last April I also became angry when my wife and my best friend in office gave me a reminder. Thank God that yesterday I did not respond immediately and kept the thoughts inside my heart.

Today I realized how crucial that kind of feedback is. I had decided to focus on the aligned tasks first in the morning. Yet I had difficulty to meet the plan for finishing before lunch. I was rushing before lunch that at the end I just ate QQ rice. And although I came back from an event earlier than my colleague, I still could not finish what we targeted yesterday because of the new problems that I did not expect.

Well, I guess it’s time for me to apply the learning on how to receive feedback. To practice to depend on God and open for constructive feedback. Also, to adjust the expectation. Yesterday I planned to attend a whole day event today. But at the end I only went for two hours and it was already rushing to go back to complete my work.

As today is the 500th year from Reformation, may I remember that things may have been different if the critics were received. So I hope I can use this moment to make sure that I am open to the feedback God has granted instead of waiting for someone to nail on my heart.

Sharing My Intent or Need Clearly

The three things I am grateful today is around the learning for sharing my intent or need clearly.

First, I am happy that my problem yesterday was solved today. I requested the logistics team to do one extra transport for my printers in the lab and it was approved. Like what my friend said yesterday and another colleague said this morning, I just need to share my intent or need that I need the printers to the lab by certain date. There is no need to try to find solution for the logistics team such as the three scenarios I could think of yesterday. I need to learn to trust other to find the solution. So it was amazing when the conversation was only less than 5 mins once I shared what my needs are.

Secondly, I was also amazed that there were share supplies from other test. I just need to indicate the quantity and type I want together on whom should collect the items.

Third, I was asking the firmware team to do something for me. I assumed that person is very busy. But since he asked me to check today. I just checked with him and apparently he is considered free because he is someone that only work if there is an immediate way for testing it. Since his test tool was borrowed by others, he can help me do what I need. I was just imagining if I delayed contacting him today. I may miss out the windows that he is free.

In conclusion, no need to assume what is best for others. Just say our intent or need clearly and let the others respond freely.

Three things I am grateful of

I join a challenge called EcoChallenge in office. They have many different categories of challenge from waste, health, water, food, and many more. The one I chose is on happiness category with the action is to write down three things every day that I am grateful for.

I know that I am grateful for God’s grace in a given day. But I don’t usually write it down.

So let’s practice it. Three things that I am grateful today are my best friend in office’s constructive critic and reminder; for my wife’s willingness to wait for me; and for being able to make prayer meeting’s advertisement as planned.

My best friend in office reminded me the need for trying myself all the things that I need for business trip two weeks later. He reminded me that those preparation may take a week by itself. I was reluctant at first as I feel busy. But he was right. Those preparations are actually of higher priority than what I want to do this week and next week.

I know my wife is struggling in the afternoon and she prefers to go back from office early. At the same time, there are so many things I need to do that going back from office before 6.20 is hard. Thanks to my wife for willing to adjust to my timing.

In the midst of many overdue items, I am grateful that I can do what I delayed yesterday: to make a text announcement and contact my friend to create a slide for the upcoming prayer meeting.

I am also grateful that I can write again after four days feeling too busy to write at night.

Give Thanks and Rejoice

It has been four days since the sermon by Rev. Petrus from 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 which asks us to rejoice always, pray continually, and give thanks in all things. I was very inspired. At the same time, it is difficult to do it. Even I could not continue the initial plan few weeks ago to learn to count the blessings in each day. Recently I also signed up a challenge on how to count the positive things in each day. But even with the correct understanding, it is still difficult thing to do.

What is the correct understanding of giving thanks and rejoice? Rev. Petrus reminded us that it does not mean we give thanks to the event which upset us. On the contrary, we give thanks because we know that God can use any event including bad event for our own good. The devotion Everyday with Jesus also reminded me how to handle failure - accept the failure with the willingness to experience the pain instead of ignoring it or running away; find what we contributed and how to prevent next time, and again, trust that God can make it to something for our own good. The podcast from John Piper also reminded that if we do not give thanks, it means that we rely on ourselves.

So what makes it difficult to practice? One of the things I can think of is the busyness. It is hard to pause to count the blessings. It is easy to count mistakes when we are down. But when we are up, it is not easy to stop as we focus on the things not yet completed. On Monday, I tried to do one by one. At the same time, I learned to handle unexpected event and how to react to them by depending on God. Recalling what happened on Monday, it was amazed that I could concentrate on doing what I could. Tuesday’s first appointment was also smooth. And yesterday was a good day with chance to bike together with my best friends and had a nap in the afternoon.

In conclusion, we need conscious efforts to give thanks and rejoice. It is not automatic and easy, but it is doable. It does not have to be big. It can be 5 deep breaths while finding things to give thanks to God. Pause for a while, give thanks, and rejoice for the life that God has given to us.

Baby Fair

Yesterday my wife and I went to the Baby Market, claimed to be the biggest baby fair in South East Asia, at Expo Hall 5. We went there to collect our pre-order items: a UV sterilizer, a swaddle blanket, and a play mat. But of course we also did some shopping at the Expo itself such as Hana Baby Wrap that works as a carrier from a carefully designed cloth.

It reminds me that we are in the process of becoming a parent. Last Friday we got to know that our child would be a girl and it was just nice for having the chance to go baby fair with knowing what color to choose. We also started to buy some baby girl shoes at the fair.

Two things impress me: the life itself and the innovation of the baby products. Last Friday I get to hear for the first time the heartbeat of my child. As I have heard a baby’s heartbeat from youtube, it is really faster than adult’s heartbeat. Although I can’t differentiate my baby’s heartbeat from the one in youtube, it was still nice to listen live knowing that there is a life inside my wife’s womb. There were also many babies in the clinic and it just feels different. Yesterday at baby fair was another environment with many pregnant ladies and kids.

As for the baby products, human is really creative in problem solving. There were stroller that the way it was folded was interesting, a baby cot with 7 different heights and able to be removed without using screwdriver, a baby bathtub that can be opened in the bottom to let the water out, and the list goes on. It reminds me of the calls for innovation. To listen and to be observant on the needs and to respond to it accordingly.

With those two, though, I often detach them from the presence of God. I forget that there is a Creator behind all those. There is a God who is so great and yet so loving that He cares for us.

Importance of Prayer

This morning I read the devotion of Everyday with Jesus from CWR where I was reminded that prayer is not only important but all important.

As I become positive recently, I begin to realize again that positive feeling is not enough. There are so many things that are beyond our control. And even the things which are within our control, we have so many limitations.

I used to be struggling to get one or two things done in a day. Now I keep trying to get things done one after another, but it seems that it is still not enough. There are many things that I want to do but I could not do. In other word, I am limited. I have limited time, energy and resources. Therefore I need to prioritize. But how do we prioritize? This is a question I have asked since long time ago.

Apparently, the answer is simple, pray. Pray so that God’s will can happen to us and through us. Pray that we can be sensitive on what are the things that matter and what are the things that don’t really matter. Pray that we can let go something even when things are smooth and that we can hang on and keep going even when things are hopeless. Pray that we can believe God can do great things through us even when we are very limited just like Gideon’s appeal when God called him. Gideon said he’s from the smallest clan and he is the smallest in his clan. What can he do? The answer is everything that God called him to do. It may be a lot, it may be too little based on the world’s standard. But it does not really matter. Because God looks at the faithfulness.

My fellow Christian at workplace reminded me on two things today. One is to avoid both superiority complex and inferiority complex. So that I don’t feel as if I can change the whole team and my contributions are more than the rest and so that I don’t feel envious or hopeless when I could not perform as I want or as other people. The second thing is remember what do we do things for. For example, if I want to say thank you to others, there is no need to think whether it’s too much or too little, or what the person will think or the manager will think. Remember that it is for the person and so if the person is fine, then it’s ok. How do we know whether the person is okay or not? Again, be sensitive. And be flexible to react accordingly because everyone is unique.

In summary, find chance to pray to God, not the ritual ones for our own good feeling or to look spiritual before others, but really to admit our limitations and seek God that He may grant us love of Him and others.

Looking for Tiles

Today my wife and I looked for the tiles to use for renovation. We planned to go to Trade Hub 21 to look around at the showroom of Lian Seng Hin and Hafary. But the first one happened to be closed for one day for a company event which is today. So we went to Hafary and listed down what tiles we want to use for the bathroom wall, the dry area of the floor, and the wet area of the floor.

After having lunch and watching Midnight Runners, a Korean movie of two police students battling women’s eggs broker, we were considering to either go to Soon Bee Huat near IMM or White Horse Ceramics at Sungai Kadut. As our contractor said that the White Horse Ceramics is a 20K-squarefeet-showroom, we decided to go there. It turned out to be in Yew Tee while I thought it is somewhere very north.

The level 1 of White Horse Ceramics was similar to Hafary. But the second level of White Horse Ceramics are amazing. They build so many booths for showing mock-ups of different styles of bathrooms. So it was much easier to visualize how the tiles would look like when assembled into a bathroom. We therefore decided to choose White Horse Ceramics.

In both Hafary and White Horse Ceramics, the advice from my best friend is true, the ones having higher price is not necessarily nicer. There are many times where the cheaper one looks nicer to me and my wife. Perhaps this is to remind that there are certain things that are subjective to our preferences. So higher price is not necessarily better. Also, it was amazing to see different kinds of tiles with different color, patterns - there can be even many kinds of wood-texture tiles, and from different countries.

Interestingly, it is very hard to take pictures of the tiles as the color in the screen is different from what we saw. Previously I thought it is only a printer that has problems in reaching the desired color which is in the screen. Apparently it is equally hard for the camera to produce image that is close to the desired color which is what our eyes see. The good thing is that after we ordered, White Horse Ceramics gave us the sample to bring back. So we can show to our family on how the color really look likes together with the texture.

Thank God that somehow in one day we managed to settle on the choice of tiles.

Too Busy To Rest or To Help?

Yesterday and today I managed to get several things done again. It is something to celebrate as I keep progressing. At the same time, I can feel the challenge of being too busy. It is not easy to keep things in balanced manner. It seems that now I want to get things done many things that I either feel too busy to rest or to help others and at the end I become exhausted and guilty.

This morning I helped my wife for just 15 mins in her school. But yesterday I was somehow rejecting her request at first simply because I want to be on time to work. The question is that there were many times in the past where I came a bit later just because I struggled to get up immediately. So it is a bit ironic. Another is today about my business trip. Somehow I become feel so responsible that I was thinking it is a must to go on end of January/early Feb where things are actually busy for me and my wife as we prepare to move.

One thing to be thankful of is that I experience this struggle early. Earlier this year, I was positive for quite long before I felt this. By the time I felt, it was too much unnecessary commitment. As for now, at least the one that keeps me busy are those that are part of my job scope, not something extra just because of my excitement something. Here and there it popped up in my mind to do unnecessary things such as signing up into a course in office that is not directly related to my job, or to propose my team to go to team building this quarter.

So at least now I realize that even when I haven’t taken up new commitments and I am very positive, things are already tough and require a lot of practice to learn to prioritize things. Also, it is important to use pomodoro, not just to hang on in certain task, but also to limit the time on doing something.

Keep Disputing My Irrational Beliefs

As practice is important, I need to be thankful for the chance to practice disputing my irrational beliefs. Like now I start to scolding myself again. Of course it appears to be reasonable. For example, I failed again to be on time. I am 10 min late for my appointment. And because yesterday I already wrote about cooling down time, I expect myself to be better today but it is not enough for me. At the end I was forced not to rush as I walked to the bus stop with my friend - and so I could not run. But that means I underestimate the time.

In office, there are certain things get done today. At the same time I realized that I made mistake in communication that the deadline may not be met.

So the question is again how does being angry to myself help? Isn’t it more destructive. Like now I start to feel headache.

Just like pilates analogy, I need to accept that I cannot do certain things at this stage or in the near future. So it does not mean that knowing things such as not trying to get people approval can be automatically be applied. It takes time and the time quite long. So we need to be patient. And even if I fail to be patient, I can get back up again and acknowledge things were wrong instead of denying or trying to compensate on unnecessary things.

Let’s continue to practice listen but not necessarily reacting, observe but not necessarily judging. And identify what are the musts that I create such as I must be perfect, I must not upset people, I must improve big enough or fast enough.

Cooling Down Time

The need to cool down is something I often miss out in planning. Looking back at yesterday and today, I can see how I like to do things last minute. The positive side is that I appear to be more efficient and productive. It may also help me to reduce my perfectionism tendency and let go the non-important stuffs. At the same time, I need to acknowledge that it requires some time to cool down, a period during which it is not easy to do things.

For example, yesterday at 8.40 am I realized that my wife’s choir practice was canceled. I had not taken a shower, eaten and yet I wanted to go for 9 am service. I finished at 8.50 am, but my wife reminded me not to rush and still went for 11 am. I could see how nice it is as I needed time to cool down. Imagined if I went, I would still be wet from sweats. But I didn’t learn the lesson, I went only 15 mins before my appointment for hair cut in the late afternoon. So although it is improvement that I did not run like last month, I was still sweating. It was nice that the person was still busy that I had time to cool down.

Again, today I repeated to rush two things. One was before the lunch appointment. I managed to reach on time due to oBike.

But in the evening, I rushed, not running, to go back from the bus behind instead of using company shuttle bus just downstairs. End up when I reached mrt station, I took the wrong train direction.

So remember carefully. Yes there is benefit in speeding. But I need to accept that it comes with price. Just like car, if I speed up, then I need a longer stopping distance. Calculate whether I can afford the cooling down time. If not, slow down accordingly and reduce the number of things to be done.