We are not superhero, so we need to gather people to help those in need together

Last weekend I learned that there is no need to be a superhero. In fact, we are not capable of. There are so many things in this world that is beyond our control. There are problems that we cannot solve. Sure, in our area, we can be so good that we keep succeeding and solving the problems given of us. At the same time, there are things beyond us such as diseases, abnormalities, and many more. To those things, we are not in control.

Thank God that last Saturday I learn that there is no need to try to be a superhero. Just do our part and let God do the rest. Suddenly, I remembered about the Dane Maxwell’s approach in the foundation. Perhaps if we are to use e-mail without rejection to get potential clients, then we can also use online messaging to get potential donors who can help those in need of help. So I started to contact several people. Amazingly, 5 people responded and in total we give 9.5x amount than the original amount that I was planning to give. That really opened up my eyes. Sometimes we want to become superhero so much that we begin to feel helpless as we cannot shoulder the burden alone. But the moment we acknowledge our limitation and do our part, miracles happen.

My prayer is that I can become sensitive to God’s guidance that I sense the time of when asking for help for others, when not to ask for help for others’ sake and growth, and when to receive the help myself.

Our Body Needs Rest

Although I know, I still often behave as if my body does not need to have sufficient rest. I scheduled a very hectic sequence of activities. I was supposed to meet my old friend last night and this afternoon I should have been at JB watching Indonesian movie.

Thank God that these two plans were canceled. I am not sure what it would have been if I continue with these plans. Last night I even slept as I was typing after taking a shower. I felt very sleepy and decided to go to bed earlier. Today I can wake up late and relax as the plan to go to JB is canceled. There are many things that I also need to do apparently such as checking whether the payment to my parents-in-law bills were successful to small thing such as preparing the chili sauce for our upcoming trip next week.

It was as if I forget easily that last week suddenly I had slight fever, stomachache, and followed by vomiting just because I slept less than usual for one of the days. In other word, my body needs rest.

Pick Our Battles Wisely

It is not easy to pick our battles wisely. We tend to wanting to win everything. That’s understable. But we need to understand that war is not a championship cup where we need to win every single game. It is more like a league, it is more like a marathon where endurance is the key to win. So we need to choose our battles wisely.

For example yesterday, it only occurred to me that there is confidentiality restrictions in sharing due to the new way of working via outsourcing. The goal of outsourcing is to make things inefficient. But as we become working with people who are not in the same company, even sharing a little bit of information is already considered sensitive. My tendency is to try to win every argument. But thank God that I remember to hold myself and to convince myself that this is not something to worth fight for. There are many other important things that we need to fight. So there is no point of wasting to energy for things that are not essential as the goal of the knowledge sharing is more for learning as well.

This reminds me that we are not called to do everything but we must do everything that God calls us to do. So we need to discern whether we are called to stand up for something or not before we actually do it. Is it just our pride and idealism that propel us to stand up? Or is it something because we can feel the senses that God wants us to do?

Seven great lessons from being sick

I had stomach flu from last Friday to Sunday. There are several insights from being sick this time.

First, everything has consequences. We reap what we sow. I only slept for 3 hours last Tuesday night due to unnecessary procrastination for reviewing a journal article. I thought it was ok, but two days later, I was down with fever and weak body which then lead to vomiting on Sunday.

Second, I realize I don’t know how to vomit. To be exact where to vomit. Instead of vomiting to the toilet bowl, I vomitted to the wash basin that it became choked due to the food I vomited. This is a disgusting but good analogy on why we need to fail early. I seldom vomit when I was kid and so I don’t really know where to vomit.

Third, there is blessings in disguise. It is written that “all things work together for good to those who love God.” The wash basin I mentioned was a bit choked for a long time, perhaps due to many reasons over a long period of time. My vomit triggered to the ultimate choke where we needed to call the plumbers immediately. We paid a lot, 180, a value which may be cheaper as that is the plumber of which number is written in the sticker outside my house, not a result of a good search in the internet. But at least now the flow is good, better than before I vomited.

Fourth, waiting is not comfortable but necessary. I went to the accident and emergency department with the hope to get the drip. It was a new hospital but the waiting hours was 3-4 hours. Thank God that I need to wait for less than 3 hours, namely 2 hours 50 minutes. But it was still tough to wait, especially as the number is not necessarily called in sequence. We need to watch out, a skill mentioned in the bible but I seldom practice.

Fifth, when there is a problem, there is a learning. While waiting to be called by the doctor, I read up several articles on stomach flu and find many interesting articles such as the process of vomiting, that stomach flu has no specific medicine other than resting, and how to re-hydrate ourselves, that we need electrolytes instead of pure water after vomiting.

Sixth, I realize that I am very cranky when I am sick. I threatened my wife several times by saying that I could not eat this and that; and that I will vomit if I eat this and that - before I really vomited due to other reasons.

Seventh, my wife is really a great and loving wife. She bears all my crankiness and she made nice oats porridge for me to have breakfast. She even took time off today so that she can still make breakfast for me although she has to go to work today.

Well, I don’t hope to get sick again. But at least now I know that even when we get sick, there are things to learn.

When Is It Enough?

Boundaries are needed. Otherwise we will binge.

In everything that we do, we need to know when to stop. Some are automatically, some require conscious decision. But as conscious decision require efforts, then I often forgo it.

Let’s start from the physical dimension first. We need to rest every day. No matter how busy we are and how interested we are, our body cannot go on without proper rest. So we need to say enough is enough and there is still sunrise tomorrow. Same thing with eating. Even if we are given a buffet of the things we like but seldom eat due to cost issue, we cannot go on eating. Our stomach cannot contain too much food and therefore we need to know when to stop. Interestingly, the taste and satisfaction is even reduced before we feel very full. This perhaps is what people call as a law of diminishing return. As we get more and more, the marginal increment of satisfaction for a given intake is smaller than when we start. The previous two items are referring to those that are not related at all to addiction. There are other things as well whether activities or food or drink or smoke that people may be addicted and therefore it is even much tougher to say stop.

Apparently, this also apply for us in our emotion and mind.

No matter how passionate we are and excited we are, we need to remind ourselves that there are other things that are more important in life. Time and resources are limited. So we need to know when we decide to stop trying and choose to focus on the one we have.

We cannot keep learning for example, there is a limit to the amount of things we can absorb in a day. Also as we become more absorbed to it, the less we observe the people whom we love and the environment which surrounds us. The point is the same, we need to know when to stop and allocate the focus to others with higher priority.

Mr Heng Swee Keat

It is a shocking news to hear that Mr Heng collapsed yesterday in a cabinet meeting due to stroke. He is someone whom I admire in terms of his leadership styles and how he has made many changes in the posts that he has served. I only learn today that he apparently is in the so many committees from the conversation with people, SG50, and many more. He was the Minister of Education and now the Minister of Finance, all are difficult positions.

This reminds me to my wife’s saying that overconfidence can cloud judgment. We tend to think that we are limited. It seldom occurs to my mind that it is possible to suddenly collapse due to stroke. So although he is a nice and great guy, I am not sure whether there are too many things that he is in charge of. It is a reminder to everyone. No matter how needed we are, we need to rest, we are no different than the others. It is because we want to serve more that we need to rest more. It is difficult as it means letting go several impactful projects or letting others take our roles regardless whether they can do it or not.

Recently, I become very vocal in my workplace. It is a needed reminder that I need to care about myself and my work first before trying to make changes. I also need to make sure that I mentor myself or following the advices from my counsellors and mentors first instead of keep doing my stuffs as usual or mentoring more people.

Back to Mr Heng, I hope he can recover soon and that his family are strengthened in this difficult time of the recovery journey.

Kindness is a choice

Everyone of us has 24 hours each day. Minus 7 hours of sleep, we have 17 hours of being awake. 17 hours to interact with others, 17 hours to make tons of decision, and choosing to be kind to others is one of those many decision to make.

Being kind here is does not mean being easy that let people to cross the boundaries that you set. That is not being kind, that is being silly to let people take advantage of you.

It is definitely not easy to choose to be kind to others, especially those strangers or those people who are getting on your nerves. But at times, even to the close ones, it is still difficult to be kind. Why? Because by not being kind, you seems to have more power. Power to show your anger, Power to make someone feel upset, power to control others. Power to show that you are above others. Sounds like a good plan...but that is not how I want to lead my life.

I think, someone who chose not to be kind lead a very sad life. What kind of life experiences that they had gone through that had shaped them that way? What make their heart harden? You know, there's a saying: 'Hurt people, hurt people'. And at times, being unkind build that invisible wall that separate you from others emotionally. That wall will protect you from getting hurt or from getting extra 'disturbance' from others who asks for your help. But that same wall will leave you alone and lonely. Love hurts and you may need to do extra for being kind....but that is being kind. It is not easy, the road less chosen....

On the other hand, I really hope that those unkind people will be touched by God's love somehow....
It is really difficult to be kind to others if you don't have someone who loves you unconditionally. Thank God that He found me. Without God, I think, I will be unkind too -since I am inclined to be mean-.

Let's choose to be kind.
-nyonya P-  

The road is slippery, be careful

Today I became unnecessarily emotional after 6 pm. The list of things to do is very long and I was doing well. I tried to prioritize one by one and let go certain things.

I spoke with many emotions during the global awareness program, but those are controlled emotions. And I was happy with that.

When I came back to my cube, my mentee asked for my time. I said not now because I need to have toilet break after finishing the course. Very good, I was able to be frank and firm.

The problem came when I met my friend whom I also want to mentor. I asked him whether he wants my frank comments and he agrees. Things were fine and I was able to control the time. But when I was about to leave, he was not that comfortable as he was still working. And I softened up, I failed to be firm. So at the end I became angry for myself because I didn't say no and stayed too much longer. Worse, because it is way too late, I assume that there is no bus and walked to the bus stop. The shuttle bus passed me later on which means I should have taken the shuttle bus. Then the public bus took very long. How dangerous a small slip of inability to be firm bring me.

In any case, I need to ensure that I don't make mistakes after mistakes. This means that there is no use of being angry to myself. What I can do now is to apply breathing exercise and move on knowing that the road is slippery and thus we need to be vigilant.

5 minutes is very precious

I just realize that even 5 minutes time is very precious.

When I started writing this blog, I was aiming for 30 minutes a day. Apparently it’s too long and I reduce it to 15 minutes. 15 minutes is a good choice as I can write enough but not too long. At the same time, I realized that I was not consistent enough in writing. The short-term goal for writing is not so much into the contents but in building the habit.

So I thought, 5 minutes a day of writing would be a piece of cake. It is only 5 minutes. There are hours of time in a day, wouldn’t it be easy to just get 5 minutes and then write? Even toilet break is usually 10 minutes.

It turns out that I couldn’t write daily even if it is for 5 minutes.

Somehow the day becomes hectic, there are many things I want to do that 5 minutes is a scarce resource. When I get home, I am too tired that I chose to do the routine such as taking a shower or relax such as watching Korean drama. So at the end, 5 minutes of writing cannot be found.

Initially it may be due to computer problem as I may not have time to open and switch on the laptop. But I already showed that it is possible to write 5 minutes on the mobile phone. This means I can also write on the way to office or back to home. But now I realize it is the time issue and the decision. It is not the means, but the courage and the decision to stop for 5 minutes and write.

5 minutes time is up. I am glad that I could spend 5 minutes time in office to write this.

Remember to take a deep breath

It was good to start planning again yesterday night. I also started to continue the exercise that relax the shoulder part in the morning. Today was overall a great day. I did one by one and not stuck too much. I planned what I needed to do and covered most of them. When my tendency to delay the decision arrived, I managed to keep calm (although I still feel the tense and look stressed) and continue to make decision.

However, I still feel overwhelmed. Perhaps because I forgot to relax. I forgot to take things easy. When I focused today, my body was tense. I am still afraid of making mistakes. I am still afraid of spending too much time that it is supposed to be. In other word, I am still dominated by fear. Even when making payment for online purchases, I am afraid that I lose some cashback money.

I need to remember to take a deep breath. I need to remember to stand for a while and walk around after a completion of a certain period of focused time.

Things have been great. For example, my strength of connectedness is getting more obvious as I can draw analogy of other things and apply it to the area I need. At the same time, I need to remember that even if I can connect things out, there is little benefit if I am stressed.

I need to remember that the more important battle is to trust God and be relax in everything that I do. Let’s keep this spirit in the coming week ahead.

Overconfidence can cloud judgment

A short but sharp statement from my wife. How true it is! In the past one week, I became even more confident after I passed my 2B practical test after 5 years and 4 months. It was great in the sense that it changes my mindset and gives new encouragement that if God allows, all things are possible. It may take time but it will happen. At the same time, it is written that “be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” So I need to remember and be careful that overconfidence can cloud judgment and make us fall unnecessarily.

When things are going well, it is very hard to remember that we can be wrong, even in the good thing such as confidence. Too low confidence causes us not moving. But overconfidence can bring us danger as well as we move recklessly.

For example, in the past 2 days, I was emotional. It is good to be vocal but I might be too emotional in giving the feedback both during the staff meeting and yesterday’s technical meeting. I was also not controlling tightly my emotion that I decided to e-mail my manager on what makes me upset and then shared to the technical director which stir some potential conflicts among my teammates. There are also many other ideas which seem to be good and heroic, but behind those good things, there is arrogancy in my heart that starts creeping.

I need to remember that I am just a channel of blessings by God to others. There is no need to be superhero. There is no need to show off my thoughts and ideas and how I can think better and faster than the rest. Instead, I need to be humble and focus on the process of learning to become experts in defining problems, experts in listening so that the solutions will flow, not from me, but from the others.

As things are going well, I may also overlook that inside my heart, I am actually not doing well. One of the indications is that I started to waver off in terms of the good habits that I planted. I seldom write in this blog even when the time commitment is actually only 5 minutes. I seldom do breath exercise, my physical exercise frequency also starts to drop. The articles on perfectionism cycle which was planned to read once every week is not yet read at all. The review paper which is due in 3 days are also not yet started.

So remember, focus on changing yourself and not the others. Keep in my heart that overconfidence can cloud judgment and therefore let’s go back to the spirit of being humble, listening, and observing our surroundings while building the good habits, the little small things in my life.

Closure

Today I experienced how nice it is to wrap up something. It’s not so much the result that matter but more on the satisfaction and relief that a chapter is closed.

I have begun learning motorcyle in January 2011. Time flies and here we are, more than 5 years from that time. Thank God for the many learning points that I have obtained throughout the lesson be it overcoming fear of fall or failure, building consistency in practice, paying attention to small things which matter like posture, and many more. I am glad that today I close this chapter.

It did not matter whether I passed or failed even though today is my third time taking the test. Because in any case, I am also not planning to buy a bike. The one that matters is that I have already set a target that whether I pass or fail, I will stop taking the lessons.

It was sweet by God’s grace that I could finish with pass, with some grace on the mistakes which I made. It is an encouragement that difficult things can be overcame over time, it may be a long time but it will end. It is also a reminder that it is possible to move from a state of not knowing anything to a state where we can be relaxed and confident about what we are doing.

It was also an encouragement that perhaps in the future difficult things such as learning Mandarin may be progressive. I can’t control that. But I can decide whether I want to keep trying. I can decide not to give up and rise even when things seem to be impossible.

Let’s move on while keeping the memories in our heart and apply the insights to another journey.