Today I learned that even when I thought I can be calm now, I can still feel anxious and panic. I need to do something at work that is urgent. I started the day well with doing things one by one. But as the review came, it is very difficult for me to say wait and end up I did things faster than I can, end up becoming messy and easily confused. It is also difficult to let go things, for example, I already have an appointment, but got people talking. Or I need to do something, but other people also need the same device for a while and it’s difficult to control the emotion on whether to let go for a while or to protect.
There is a difference when we work in a team and there is a limit. When I work alone, it is okay to be last minute as it depends solely whether I can focus on those last minutes. But when I work with others, I need to be calm in communicating what I need and what I can do. Otherwise, I tend to be panic and either I do all tasks alone which waste the teammate presence, or I only watch my teammate is doing instead of finding something else so that the whole process can be faster.
It is okay though, at least I learn to say that I don’t like this kind of situation and admit that I cannot do urgent things fast enough, especially when different people have different opinion.
At the same time, I have more experiences that in fact problem is beneficial as when we solve that problem, there is always learning and some previous assumptions that were clarified.
Also, these kinds of pressure help me to reflect who I am as our true tendency has higher chance to re-surface.
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