The heart of the problem

It has been several months that I face this issue. It seems that I know well about the problem which is perfectionism and anger management. I also know how the vicious cycle works, namely doing nothing and then being angry or being angry so much resulting in doing nothing. There have been several strategies given such as stop being angry, do not run away and do the task regardless of the feeling. Three good habits have also been proposed, namely self-affirm every morning, plan the to-do lists one day in advance, and do the tasks in small amount of time such as 30 minutes. Then we have also considered about the importance of having enough rest and regular exercise. We also talked about finding ways to better prepare or make things less scary.

The question is that despite all of those, why is it still not working or the improvement is small?

It seems that the heart of the problem is not yet touched. There is this self-hatred consuming all the energy that make changes are difficult to happen.

The heart of the solution is then to have self-compassion. A conscious decision to love myself regardless of what happens. There is a question on why do we need to love ourselves. There are several possible answers. If not us, who will?; because we want to be happy; and ultimately because God first love us. This most probably won’t make things easier to solve. But it is the right thing to do and we need to embrace and practice self-compassion to address the self-hatred as the heart of the problem which hopefully will energize us to make the necessary changes.