Written on 5 Feb 2018
This afternoon I started to feel overwhelmed. This shows that I started to depend on myself again instead of depending on God.
In the morning, I already felt slight frustration when the Grab Shuttle was still down and so unable to take. I managed to focus on what to do and troubleshoot all I could and called the support. At the same time I tried finding Hitch. It was impossible but it turns out I got it and somehow I met someone who struggles with his marriage and stop going to church. It was as if God allowed bad things (cannot access Grab shuttle app) for a purpose.
In office I became exhausted and talkative. I managed to cool down and spent 25 mins to start working on a paper. As expected it is not enough and I started to feel the heat. I became confused on what to do first. This feels familiar. When I started to be proud of myself, I want to avoid mistakes and tend to be more conscious. That is when I feel overwhelmed.
Also, it is not easy to say no to both other people and myself. I kept adding things to my to do list.
When sudden things happen, I also become confused on which one to follow up first. This is because I only build in little or no safety margin when things happen.
It is hard to simplify stuffs. I still need a lot of time to do things. Even to decide the internet provider for our new place take a long time for me.
I guess underlying this is to desire to keep performing well when I felt that I perform well.
Two things I need to remember. Life is difficult and so up and down is expected. Second there is no need to scold me when I am exhausted. The pain and tiredness are there to remind us to either slow down or to change something.
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