It is a hard truth to find out that I am very self-centered. No matter how I look to care about others, inside I am still self-centered. I care more about my interest, my feeling, my way of thinking. I get angry when things are not according to my plan. I get upset when people say I am wrong. I get envious when others do or look better than me. I want to do it my way, not God’s way.
And the worse thing is that I do not want to change. I want to stay where I am because it is more comfortable. I do not want to change to become more like Christ. Even when I want to change, it is because of my own preference and benefit, and not necessarily because I want to be more like Him.
When I am free, I care about others. But when my deadline is pushing me, I do not care how people around me are feeling. I did not even attempt to hear them as the deadline becomes near. Or perhaps I want to stay overnight just want to finish the task instead of acknowledging the risk of becoming sick and therefore will trouble other people. I also seldom maintain relationship as I only contact people when I need them.
Well actually I am not that bad. But the challenge is to be willing to change, to try something that looks hopeless, like being Nugi who is not last minute. Being Nugi that can say no and know when to stop.
It is tough, but hope is not hope if it is not hopeless.
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