Making Changes

Let’s make changes even if they are difficult. There are three changes I want to make. First, let’s go away with the time tracking. The objective was to be able to track my time. But it has become a white elephant where I have been maintaining for the sake of feeling secure or for trying to accomplish things. Sometimes it may even backfire where I wrote the time repeatedly and show to myself that I have done nothing for that time period. It is scary to do without those. But let’s try.

Second, think less and do more. There is no point of starring the to-do-list or thinking about the problems. There is also little use of talking to myself to just do it when I am not convinced of myself. Rather, let’s actually do something. Purposely do something that is not perfect, that is to come up with whatever we can first and then improve later when there is opportunity. Otherwise, go with what we have.

Third, love self for God’s sake. It does not mean to love my pride. But it means to love myself when I have nothing that I can boast on, when I feel like a failure. Stop scolding myself. Stop being angry for myself without doing something constructive. Believe in myself not because I can be trusted but because God can be trusted. Loving self includes giving thanks, for focusing on the things to be thankful of instead of focusing on my regrets. It also means that there is no need to save my face. That it is okay to lose face, to look stupid, in fact it is much better than running away or not doing anything while being anxious on the consequences of not doing something.

In any case, if something don’t work, look at what we can learn and then be brave to make changes.

A Note to Myself

Let’s write again for 5 minutes. I have been over cautious these days. In everything I do, I am trying my best not to make mistakes but it caused me making more mistakes. Even today as I play with my daughter, I keep watching myself whether I upset her or do not do enough as a father. I have also been adding pressure unnecessarily to myself in almost every thing I do.

I want to remind myself that being anxious or thinking about the problems do not solve anything. The more I delay, the more it gets scarier to do. So, let’s lower the standard, find a good enough alternative. Make mistakes and learn from them. Also, do not jump to conclusion by saying I am stupid because of the mistakes I do. Whenever I am angry to myself, remember the three underlying categories of anger sources: hurt, frustration, and personal attack. Remember that punishing myself is not useful by any means. Be objective, channel the anger to something positive.